I have had a very long week that has left me really, really grumpy. My low back hurts, my head hurts, and my heart is still hurting. I have had a particularly long week at work which has added to my brain hurting, too!
I am nothing if not grumpy today, I mean really, really grumpy.
Today I take my Mother's ashes into the Neptune Society so they can be joined with my Dad's. I will pick up his death certificates, drop off some of their clothes to be donated to the rehab facility they were both at so many times. A lot of those lovely residents have no family and nothing new to wear. I will do more paper work for him, write more checks and call on some medical bills that don't seem quite right. This is a part time job in itself. Thank goodness his caregiver Stacey is packing up his place, I have no time or energy for that. Then there is the constant worry of his two cats to place, one is so gorgeous and sweet, the other is a pit bull. My son is allergic to them so having them here is not an option. Then we have school drop off and pick up, two different therapies and some time outside for my little one before dinner, a bath and bed. The pictures above aren't even recent, they were taken at the farm over a month ago.
I find myself in these crazy days feeling such a deep exhaustion that I never seem to recover from. I know that sounds dramatic and I don't mean it to, it just is a constant with me these days. I feel I am not the best therapist, or mother for that fact, and don't even get me started on being a nice wife, I am not.
And for my friends here in blogland I feel very disconnected to you as I have not read a blog in what feels like a month, well actually it might be a month. How are you? What have you been up to? Any news?
So I take things day by day, and some days this past week I took them hour by hour. I am just hoping to sit down and knit at the end of the day today, not much to ask I think. But the last few weeks that has rarely happened. So sorry for my grumpy mood, that is just the state of things right now, I am nothing if not honest.
I hope to see you all soon, maybe that can be a goal for me this weekend, just read a few blogs and get back in the swing of things. Wishing you all the best.
No wonder you are grumpy dear, you have every right to be ;-)! I hope you will have time for your self very soon, to relax and do nice things. Big hugs, Mirjam.
ReplyDeleteHi Meredith, just stopping by to check in on you. Be gentle with yourself, you have more on your plate than any one person should. There is a light at the end of all this, even though you can't see it now, because you are buried so deep in all the things that have to come first. Praying that you'll find moments of peace in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to feel grumpy. You are being stretched beyond your limits and I'm amazed you are able to function as well as you are. Hang in there, it will get better but it will take time. Your family and friends (blog ones included) understand and just hope you take care of yourself as best you can. Big hugs and much love coming your way.
ReplyDeleteLinda
We're all still connected to you Meredith and think of you and your family constantly. The grumpiness will pass and slowly you will become more yourself. In the meantime hugs to you all. Janet
ReplyDeleteGot my package today and thank you. I know right where to put it.
ReplyDeleteIt's a long haul. It took forever to find myself again after settling things for my parents. It seems like you just get numb - just doing and doing. Just keep thinking that next week has got to be better.
Love to you,
Eileen
THere's a time and a season you know. Grumpy is fine! You can tell us. Its okay . Hugs and hugs and hugs. Grief is hard work. You have a baby to raise and a job to attend to and so many things to keep you up at night and give you headaches. You can only eat an elephant one bite at a time.
ReplyDeleteJust one bite. I wish I could take the cats off your hands I really really do. Most shelters have a waiting list for give ups . They would place them well. I know they would.
Hugs prayers and peace to you
Dear Meredith, I know this time is hard for you. All the details of finalizing someone's affairs is, like you said, a part time job. I remember so well all the details I had to attend to after Mom passed away. Take the time to be sad, grumpy, angry, whatever you need to be to work through all this. I know with that sweet boy, you can't just lock yourself away, but cherish him and he will get you through this. Take care of yourself as much as you can. All of your blog friends are here for you. I send you calming thoughts and lots of love.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Sharon
I wonder why!!! I would want to lay under the covers and just sleep away the weekend. I hope you get some knitting time in. one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Can your hubby take the little guy somewhere for awhile this weekend. Just to give you some time for yourself (and no housework is to be done). Time for yourself. Time to do something you really want to do! You need a break for yourself and what you need to do to relax. Can't be too much to ask of him! Please take care of YOU!
ReplyDeleteNot grumpy, just busy and with a lot going on and a lot to deal with! Hugs are coming. xx
ReplyDeleteyou have soooo much to do at the moment it is no wonder you are grumpy.I think we have all gone through times when you feel overwhelmed at all there is to do.You never feel you are doing any role right.Hopefully ,it will pass.I
ReplyDeletet is not only the physical exhaustion but mental exhaustion too.Does your OH help out?A few hours over the weekend just for you would be a big help.Try and have a quiet weekend with some knitting time thrown.I must say when I was going through times like you the knitting went as well.Big hugs from mexxx
I'm so sorry my friend, you have so much to be dealing with at the moment, it really is just a case of one foot in front of the other in these terribly sad time. I hope you get some knitting time soon, sending hugs
ReplyDeleteClare x
You have every right to be grumpy, don't be so hard on yourself. Hope you manage to get some knitting done and that you find some inner peace.
ReplyDeleteOh my dear sweet Meredith, I'm not surprised you are grumpy, you have so much on your plate at the moment, right when you most need to just take some time and grieve. Try and make life as simple as you can, and please don't be hard on yourself, you're amazing and you're doing a brilliant job with your little man, and no doubt with everything else as well. We women take on a lot sometimes and we push ourselves to the absolute limit. We hold it all together, and it takes a toll. I hope you're able to find some time to relax a little at the weekend. A walk in the countryside is a real mood-boosting thing if you could get out for a while. Whatever you do, I hope it's peaceful and restorative. Sending you big cyber hugs. CJ xx
ReplyDeleteDear Meredith,
ReplyDeleteTry not to be so hard on yourself. You are busy without your recent loss and matters you must deal with. It's not easy,believe me I know and did not have a small child with special needs at home. Try to find a few minutes for yourself. Hug and kiss the little guy and cry on your dog's shoulder. It will help. Dorothy M.
Oh my friend.. grump as much as you want. I watched how hard it was for my 2 sisters to be the executor of first my dad then my mom.. I was never asked to do that job.. I know why.. I'm not the organized and dependable one. You definitely have too much on your plate.. isn't there a way you can take bereavement time from your job? Hire some help if you can.. wish I was there to help. Take time for yourself, my dear. You must. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)
ReplyDeleteDear Meredith, I'm so glad you are getting some help, and hope you ask for more. Good for you in planning some knitting time. I hope you are able to take more time off from work, because you are correct, the details you are handling are a job, and the high emotions you are handling are physically taxing as you well know. I am cheering you on to get the rest you need.
ReplyDeleteWe are still in the midst of repairing a water leak here. Yesterday we were blessed to be given a clamp that is keeping the leak stopped while we make arrangements for a large section of pipe to be replaced. My youngest daughter, Elisabeth and her husband Gary are in FL visiting friends, celebrating their third anniversary, and visiting Cape Canaveral! [When Elisabeth was young she wanted to be an astronaut so she is very excited to be able to tour the area]
We are having a rainy weekend and I plan to get more stitching done after typing to you :)
Sending you caring thoughts and more hugs, xx
Awe Meredith, I wish I could give you a big hug, a cup of tea and something sweet, to ease your heart and mind. There is so much to do paper wise with a passing. I wish you had some help, so if you can get some take it. Grumpy is OK but don't get sick. Hope you can unwind a little knitting and some more this weekend.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you xoxoRobin
Oh, Meredith. I'm sorry. I don't think I have the right words at the moment to help, and I'm not sure there really are any to start with, but I really hope you're feeling more like yourself soon. You've been through so much. Be gentle with yourself. Everyone is here thinking of you. We'll still be here when you come back. Take care of yourself. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteNo one can blame you for being grumpy. You have been taking care of other people so much lately that you've had no time to take care of yourself! I am so sorry about work being hard at this time. As a special ed teacher, I have some idea of how hard you work, how much it takes out of you to help all these children. If I could, I'd send you a full day of time to yourself!
ReplyDeleteMeredith, you can be as grumpy as you want with all of us. You have had no time at all to grieve and to just "be". So many things have to be taken care of. It was the same way when my mother died. Even though my father was still here, he didn't do a thing. He told me to handle it all. This was after living at the hospital for three weeks. I literally only went home to shower and change clothes. I slept at the hospital. And then I went right back to work the day after the funeral along with taking care of the myriad of details that have to be done after a person dies . It took me a long time to process my grief because I didn't take the time to do it then. Be easy on yourself. If you can take time to breathe, breathe. Things will be there waiting for you when you can do them. I wish I were there to help you. Know that my prayers are with you my sweet friend. If you need someone to vent to, feel free to call and you can just vent all you want. I won't take it personally. :-)
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Betsy
Hi Meredith. I don't usually comment but I would like to say that nothing lasts forever and this difficult time will pass and you will feel joy again. Xx
ReplyDeleteYou are such a dear, Meredith. Always fussing about the rest of us, when you are going through such a loss. Not to mention you have to keep the everyday grind going ... you are being anything but dramatic. In fact, you just keep impressing me (and I'm sure plenty others).
ReplyDeleteI am so tired and grumpy for such lesser and insignificant reasons. xoxo
Take it easy, don't be too hard on yourself. Things will get better soon. Hope this weekend gives you some peace!
ReplyDeleteIh sweet Meredith...you don't sound grumpy in the words you shared. I know what it's like to bear the job of cremation stuff even if it was preplanned. Tying up loose ends abd phone calls. I was mom's POA. Take some time out for yourself even if it's a day. No work, no clients. Snuggling with little buddy, knitting or reading. A walk too. Hugs and prayers as you go thru this hard journey. We thought Neptune was satisfying in their work.
ReplyDeleteYou are going through a very difficult time just now Meredith just take each day as it comes, it will get better honest. Hugs xxxxx
ReplyDeleteGrieving will take time. Don't be hard on yourself. I agree, knitting is soothing.
ReplyDeleteYou've got so much on your plate on a regular basis -- and now with the added sorrow of losing your Dad -- it's really a bit much and maybe you're justified in feeling grumpy. I hope you can find that time you need for yourself to refresh and knit and heal. Perhaps you should just take/make some time for you so that healing process can proceed. If it's possible, I would aim for that; your body and your heart will thank you.
ReplyDeleteHope you can squeeze in a tiny bit of "me" time this weekend, Mere, to just relax a little. You've been though so much lately it's a wonder you're not worse than grumpy! Sending good thoughts and lots of hugs your way. Peace, too.
ReplyDeleteOh dear grumpy is allowed you know - we call it hippo time in our house. Where you are just left alone to wallow in your own misery and surface when you can face people. Don't try and 'catch up' with blogs just return when you want to to whatever you want to. People won't judge you I promise. Jo x
ReplyDeleteThe photos of Little Buddy are adorable.
ReplyDeleteI hope this next week is better for you.
I like your honesty in your writing but am so sorry for your recent loss. You express yourself so well. I can relate to wanting nothing but a bit of knitting at the end of the day. I'm having my own trying times.
ReplyDeleteAs it is in life, things will improve. Take care.
Buddy sure is growing!
So many kind words from all your readers! I know life is a struggle for you just now and there is very little I can do to help you but to send you my best wishes and virtual hugs. I wish I could take some of the heavy weight of your shoulders to make that knitting in the evenings possible. I am with you in my thoughts, hoping you can see a small but steady glimmering light at the end of the tunnel. xxx
ReplyDeleteWe all have our moods. I'm always looking for ways to tame mine, but sometimes it is out of our control. Go easy on yourself, take care and give yourself something you truly enjoy. Regardless of your mood, it was good to visit you this morning.
ReplyDeleteLife is always so busy. Make sure you take some time for you. It's the times that you think you can't possibly find time to do that that you need to the most. Hugs. Super cute pictures!
ReplyDeleteMeredith I've been away from blogland and only just read of your loss - my thoughts and prayers are with you and all the family. You've been through so much and remained very strong - I hope you find peace and your family and friends continue to rally round. I am sure the cats will be placed and everything will fall into place for you. Hugs xox
ReplyDeleteYou are dealing with a lot, Meredith, I think that it is better to allow yourself to feel rotten than to bottle it all in. I'm sending you a big warm virtual hug and a slice of chocolate cake (also virtual, no calories).
ReplyDeleteAmalia
xo
You're in a hard place. I know how it feels. So much to do that wears you out, and so much yet to do that wears you out just thinking about it. Try to find some you time in there. We'll still be here when you come back. :)
ReplyDeleteI have been overwhelmed at my place lately and hadn't been here to check in on your blog. I am so sorry to find out about your dad and how hard this has been on you. Having been where you are now, I would just remind you to find time to rest. Knit. Hug your boys and husband. Do what replenishes your heart and your body.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to be grumpy when you are so tired and over-stretched.
ReplyDeleteThat's totally OK to be grumpy in such a situation! I'm also grumpy for the last few weeks, but the reason of this is great. I'm expecting a baby! I was doing everything like it was said here http://rocketparents.com/7-ways-to-get-pregnant-faster/ and here I am, pregnant)
ReplyDeleteSending you warm hugs and thoughts in this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteMissing you too Meredith. Hope you are feeling OK. Hugs to you. xxxx
ReplyDelete