The reality of life hits hard

Sometimes life throws you a real curve ball, or a whole series of them and you just don't know what to do except muddle though it all.  If you want a blog post about  pastel colors, bright and beautiful projects, and peaceful thoughts you might want to look elsewhere.  I have always promised to be real as a blogger.  That means you get to share the good and the bad, and sometimes there is a heap of bad.  My BIL's sudden death really surprised us, like I said before he was an amazing man and was suffering a great deal from his 25 year battle with Parkinson's Disease.  We were not expecting it, even though he was slowly losing ground.  Again, I am so thankful that my husband was able to get to Wisconsin to say good-bye before they took him off the respirator.  

Tuesday night I received a phone call from my Dad telling me that my Mother was being taken to the hospital emergency unit because she was ill.  Now I knew she had a a few days where she was sleeping a lot but did not know that she was this ill.  I drove over to the ER, and waited a couple of hours before finding out she had pneumonia.  Not a big surprise, she is bedridden, can not move and probably is aspirating some of the food that she is being fed.  She has recently become even more withdrawn, her eyes rarely open and when they do there is only a brief glimmer of recognition in them.  After a very late night visit I went home feeling a bit overwhelmed.  You see she wants to go, she has wanted to leave this earth for many years.  I grieve for her being in the state she is in, and I grieve that for some reason she is still here against her wishes.

She was still in the ER the following morning when I checked, she was waiting for a bed to become available in the hospital.  Little did I know that my MIL would soon join her.  You have heard me talk about her in the past, I adore this woman.  She is 95 1/2, is fighting pulmonary fibrosis and has just lost her son.  She traveled to Wisconsin for the funeral with the help of my SIL's.  Upon returning she has been struggling to breathe, so much so that she went into the ER Wednesday morning.   What are the chances one would be in room 1, and one in room 23, in the same ER?  After both being admitted the visits were interesting, race to see one, than the other, then come home so my husband could go and do the same thing.  Back and forth, and back and forth, from room to room, for several days.

My Mom is holding her own, I can not judge when the best time for her to leave this earth is, but I sure do not want her to suffer anymore.  She has suffered enough, and if it is not this time she has pneumonia, there will be a next time.  I sound a bit callous and I do not mean to, I lost my Mother many years ago, she is here in body but I believe that her spirit is elsewhere, the essence of my Mom left long ago.

My MIL got discharged into Hospice care yesterday evening.  She is fading fast, but still wants to live so much.  She always has been so active and such an inspiration, she still is as she is fading away from us.  My husband and his siblings are going to lose their brother and mother all in a matter of a week or two. It seems so sad, but I know she is really tired, tired of trying to breathe and terribly upset about her son's death.  It has taken the fight right out of her.

Mr. 20 year old arrives home for spring break tomorrow evening.  He has had a tough year and now when he wants to come home to regroup and think about his options, he has to find out the Grandmother he absolutely adores will be leaving us soon.  He loves my Mother too, it is just that she was much more of an observer as a Grandmother, while my MIL was much more of a participator. My boys are used to my Mom not being well, she has been ill for over 3 years, but my MIL has been doing really well until just recently. My teenager has been here for all of this, he has seen both of them decline, Mr. 20 year old has not.

On another note of', "I just can't believe this!"  My dearest friend Lynda, who lives in North Carolina found out that her husbands stage IV lung cancer is progressing fast.  Lynda just had a mastectomy and now has to start chemotherapy treatments for breast cancer.  She has to take care of her husband, and fight for her life all at the same time.  I can not even imagine that.  She is so far away I can not help, only by phone, which is very frustrating.  She is so strong and the best friend ever, and frankly she is worried about me!  Can you imagine that with what she is going through?

This little one below is going to be so good for all of us.  My Little Buddy makes you smile and laugh at his antics all the time.  He is doing amazing and feels quite at home here in our house.  Not only is he going to help my husband and I get through all of this mess, he is going to help his brother's and his aunt's, too.  Little ones are blessed that way, and they bless us just by being around us.

Sorry for the doom and gloom.  So much has happened in the last week that is going to change the face of my family forever  The crazy thing is I am super calm, I get this way sometimes in crisis mode, and I am not sure if that is good or not.  I am just taking things hour by hour, taking a deep breath when I can, and letting the process of life and death work itself out.  And of course giving this little one lots of hugs, they help.

I am not writing this for you all to say, "Poor Meredith".  Life happens, the good and the bad, to all of us.  I am just letting you know what is taking place right now and why I will be only visiting sporadically.  There is a bigger plan, there always is.  I do not want the people I love to suffer, I want them to find peace.  

A gift from Kathy B, knitted squirrel and azalea's

This gorgeous vest arrived in my mailbox yesterday afternoon.  When I came home from working a 12 hour day, and of course tending to Little Buddy, this is what I saw.  The very lovely and talented Kathy B, made this vest and sent it all the way here from Chicago, for my Little Buddy.  Isn't it amazing?  Kathy made this a while back and was waiting for the perfect little person to come along and claim it.

I think the perfect little one has arrived!  As soon as she heard about Little Buddy, Kathy sent me a message about a little something she had just for him.  She sent it right before going on her wonderful trip to the Keys.  I am so thankful for your kindness and generosity Kathy.  You are the best!  How did you know that Little Buddy was going to come along and need just the perfect vest for cool Fall evenings?  Thank you from the bottom of my heart, his too!

Little Buddy is keeping me very busy, and a huge influx of special need babies just popped onto my caseload.  I  have been doing baby evaluations and then writing them up like a mad therapist.  I love working with babies, and although it is going to be a bit crazy, and very tiring for me for the next few weeks, I feel I have to take them on.  Reading blogs is not even a consideration until I get all of this work done, so if you have something you do not wish me to miss, you had better email me and let me know to pay you a visit, otherwise I am tuning out for a bit.

I found this knitted squirrel at Home Goods.  Do you have one of those by you?  I fell in love with it and had to buy it.  I was going there for some storage baskets and came out with a squirrel!  This is called a Kenana Knitted Critter, home spun, and hand knitted by rural women from Kenya. 

Inside the tag it tells you a bit more about this project and even has the name of the lovely woman who knit this adorable squirrel up, Milicent.  There is a web site to contact if you are interested in learning more about the project and see more of what is available, Kenana Knitter Critter.

 

 He is pretty adorable isn't he?

Spring is almost here, my azalea's are in bloom, a sure sign that Spring is on the way.  Today  was a short sleeve day, although I am not done with jeans yet. 

I wonder if I will have a few hours to work on my garden soon?  The garden needs a lot of trimming and replanting.  Little Buddy is not all that patient to sit around while I am busy outside.  Nap time is pretty short, so I will have to make a deal with my husband for some time this weekend to get started.  It is usually a several week job for me, with Little Buddy around, it might take a lot longer.  I think I just added more to my already hectic schedule.  How about work, catch up with blogs, then I can work in the garden?  Sounds like a plan to me.  Hope you are all well, I miss you.

Signs of Saturday

Signs of Saturday at my house.

Beautiful tulips on my table.

Max barking at my pool as it turns on, as he does every single day.  It is a big responsibility.

Crochet I never seem to get to anymore with Little Buddy here.

Toys everywhere.

Little Buddy's new hair cut, done by me of course.

A sneak attack on Fluffy.

Fluffy's flock has arrived  all the way in Oregon.  Check out Gracie's blog to see the smiles these little lambs brought to cute little faces.  Fluffy was very happy to see her babies arrive safe and sound.

On a sad note my husband lost his brother quite suddenly this week.  He was one of the very best men I have ever met.  He loved his family fiercely and fought Parkinson's Disease for 25 years, getting it in his very early 40's.  My husband arrived just in time to say his good byes, it was all quite unexpected, but thankfully he is in a better place and not suffering anymore.  I wish I could be up there in Wisconsin with all of the family to celebrate this wonderful man.

Wishing you a wonderful Saturday.

It Takes A Village

How can I thank you all enough for your tremendous loving comments about My Little Buddy?  You are all so amazing, so gracious and kind. I am overwhelmed by the loving support you have shown about the journey we are taking.  I have always told you I thought bloggers are the best, but I am truly astonished at your loving words, prayers and support.

I don't want you to think we are all that special.  My Little Buddy is the special one.  You see he is a bit of a miracle and his miracle started with the first Doctors and Nurses who saw him and brought him back to life.  The incredible staff in the NICU that watched his every breath, and treated him like a piece of fragile glass so he would not break.  They watched for signs he was in distress and got him the help he needed right away.  For the therapist's, the Neurosurgeon, the eye specialists and the lovely caring people who came to clean around him so that his environment would be germ free and a safe place for him to grow and thrive.  The volunteer's who came to hold him and rock him so he would have loving human contact and begin to thrive. These people are the miracles.  

And when he was ready to be discharged God knew the exact family to put him with. This family is so full of love it is astonishing.  They loved him like he was their very own and still do. They were the ones day in and day out that spent every minute with him, holding him, loving him and helping him to grow.  They had all of us therapist's telling them things to do, about a million appointments to get him to and they did it all with a love that is frankly miraculous.  They are the ones that helped him to thrive.  And they are the ones that will help this little one attach to us because he has been loved.  A child that has been loved in a great capacity will be able to love and receive love, it is that simple.  In their care My Little Buddy grew and thrived.  He reached milestone after milestone and still is.  It may be slow, but the progress is steady.

It takes a village to raise a child, we have all heard this before but it is true.  And for My Little Buddy his village is very big.  It has shifted from his medical foster home into ours.  It has shifted from that huge extended family, school and church to my big family and friends.  Some of the therapist's have changed, and even the doctor's, but what remains is the love that he has been given.  This love has permeated every cell of his little body and will always be there.  His medical foster family will always be a part of his life, they hear about everything he is doing and are still fighting for him when questions arise about this and that.  They will be more like an Aunt and Uncle and cousins now, as opposed to Mommy and Daddy, but their love for him will not waiver, nor ever diminish.  The start they have given him is the miracle.

I don't want you to think this will be easy, we have big, big mountains to climb.

We have big shoes to fill, his care has been exceptional, but we are ready to take on the responsibility and the love. It takes a village and I am glad you are all here to come along on the journey with me.  You will cheer him on and love him from afar.

Because when it comes down to it, love is the thing that matters the most in this world.  It is that simple.

If you want to read the most loving post ever, please visit my sister at Mockingbird Hill Cottage.  This post is about My Little Buddy and is by far the best thing she has ever written.  Grab your tissues, you are going to need them.

Beautiful Blessings

 

Once upon a time a little baby entered my life through my work.  He was three months old and a mess.  I could tell the minute I held his little body that there was someone in there fighting to live.  He reminded me of a tadpole, not quite formed into being a frog yet, somewhere in between.  He had big, big eyes, a misshaped head, and boy was he stuck, he could not move and develop like a newborn baby should.  Coming into the world 13 weeks early, with no heartbeat and not breathing, and with every major complications at every turn did not help.  When he was discharged the Neurologist told his medical foster family to take him home and love him, she thought the damage he had suffered was quite extensive and was not sure what he would become.  

With a great deal of love from his medical foster family, therapy from me and a wonderful speech therapist this little one started to grow.  He began to finally suck on his bottle, which took hours and hours to teach him.  He finally was able to move his head in both direction and even hold it up.  He was able to look at objects presented to him even though he had suffered a lot of damage to his premature eyes.  As soon as he got strong enough he was able to lie on his belly and hold up his head, finally able to tolerate being moved from position to position, and finally able to start growing and developing.  It was a challenge but once he realized he could roll or slowly, slowly pull himself forward on arms that were not functioning perfectly, he was able to move!.  As he grew and developed his personality did to.  He was so funny and loved to laugh, loved silly things, funny noises and songs, oh my this boy loved to hear music.  He began to take weight on his feet in supported standing, learned to sit up all by himself and finally was able to get up on his hands and knees!  What a miracle that day was, because he soon figured out after all that work that he could crawl, and now the world was open to  him.  Crawling is not easy for a little one whose arms and legs don't work like ours, it is hard, hard work.  It is the desire to move and explore that helped this little one go, and go, and go.

We took care of this little boy when his Medical Foster Family needed a break, when they wanted to go on a trip or two with their family.  Along the way I fell totally head over heals in love with this little one.  And the funny thing is my family did, too.  I love all the kids I work with but this one has something magical about him, his crooked smile, his desire to thrive, he is just such a fighter.  He has been up for adoption and I have been on pins and needles waiting to hear about a forever family for him.  Finally one popped up and I went to the meeting about them and almost threw up, you see they were all wrong for him.  They were my age but old if you know what I mean, never had children and just did not fit.  He needed a family that loved him, loved him and his special needs and knew what to do to help him be the best he can be.  I lost sleep, I became very, very quiet until finally the thing that had been staring me in the face became apparent.  With a lot of very gentle prodding from my husband, approval from Mr. 20 year old and my Teenager we put our names in the pot, to make this little one part of our family.  I knew if we did not try then I would regret it the rest of my life, and my husband saw this, too.  You see there is a plan out there bigger than me, and if I did not try then I would never know if he was really supposed to be ours.  I prayed and prayed that the right thing would happen for him, not for us.  

After parenting classes, background checks, and lots and lots of paper work we were finally approved to be My Little Buddy's forever family.  After weeks of waiting, waiting and more waiting he is finally living in our home.  It is not official yet, but My Little Buddy is here, in his own room with his own toys and we are all adapting so smoothly it is scary, sort of like it was meant to be.  He has been here for several weeks and that is why I have been so busy, blogging has not been the focus, adapting him to our home has been the priority.

I know we are crazy, I am no spring chicken and my husband is not either.  But as my husband said so eloquently when trying to convince me that this was the right thing to do, "Don't we have enough love in our hearts to love another little boy?" The answer to that is, yes we do.

We have been blessed, and I am not telling you all of this for you to say I am wonderful, it is not that way at all, he is going to bless us a lot more than we are ever going to bless him.  Many, many people have worked so hard on this little one to get him to where he is today, and many more will work with him for years to come.  Life is too short not to help, it is too short not to give this little one a home where he is loved, cherished and will be pushed to be the best he can be.  I don't believe this is an accident, it was predetermined a long time ago.  Hopefully he will grow to love us as much as we love him, and he won't see that he has really old parents, just parents.  He won't see our gray hair and wrinkles, just faces that look back at him with love and admiration.

Beautiful Blessings.

Friday

Sometimes it is just a blessing to make it to the end of the week intact. This has been a busy week here with little lambs, house guests, a sick son and extra work. Max is finally rested up after all of the lamb busniess, little lambs running around everywhere does not make a 9 year old boy with a bad hip happy.  He can now go back to gazing out the window at the pool, waiting for it to turn on, so he can bark at it.  My son is finally getting better, boy those antibiotics took a long time to work.  He had to go in for some extra blood work just to make sure things are fine, but he is on the mend.  Thank you all for your kind well wishes for his speedy recovery.

The linen stitch scarf is no more.   I just love the look of the stitch but I knew that this baby was going to be a big problem for me.  You see it takes FOREVER to make.  First I cast on 500 stitches to make it lengthwise, well that was a disaster right away, I lost my place, got all turned around and frogged it.  Next I decided to cast on 39 stitches and make it width-wise, I switched out different balls of yarn every two rows and this is as much as I got done before having a long talk with myself.  You know I am a bit crazy so talking to myself is not all that unusual.  While linen stitch is beautiful, resembling weaving, it just takes way tooooooooo long.  I think I might not even finish this scarf in my lifetime if I knit on it for hours everyday.  This beautiful Berroco yarn deserves more from me, it deserves to be made into something beautiful that I will finish, so again we had a little frogging session.

The back of the stitch pattern is as interesting as the front.  I fully admit I am a bit jealous of those people out there on Pinterest who have made such  beautiful linen stitch scarves, my hat is off to you.  Frankly I am in awe that you have the persistence and dedication to get this scarf done.  It must have been like running a marathon, swimming the English Channel, or climbing Everest. I need simple right now in my life, very, very simple.

Nothing could be more simple than a dc square, that will be combined with other dc squares and all joined together in different directions.  Pick it up, crochet a few stitches, put it down with no worries you have lost your place.  24 stitches by 15 rows make up a square for me, easy peasy.  Now I just have to get more paperwork done, new patient evaluations written up so I can work on this some more.

These flowers were left by my nephew and his girlfriend as they departed for much colder temps up in Minnesota.   They are quite beautiful on my kitchen table and remind me of the darling couple that spent time with us this past week.  Ah, young love is so darn sweet isn't it?

How has your week been?  I have been missing you!

Fluffy has BIG news!

You all remember Fluffy Baa-Baa, sent to me from the wonderful Gracie.  Fluffy has been having a lovely time living at my house in Florida.  We get along just perfectly, she loves Max, she loves my family, she eats my grass and wants to swim in my pool when it warms up enough.  It is a perfect match, well that is until a few days ago.  When I woke up this is what I found!

Apparently Ms. Fluffy has had some babies!  Little lambs running all over my house!  I could hardly believe my eyes, I mean I never suspected a thing.  Not being all too familiar with the sheep reproductive cycle and all, I had no idea.  I swear she has been gaining a bit of weight lately but I thought it was all the grass she has been eating.  I am not entirely sure when this all happened, well you know the delicate part of this situation, was it before she arrived?  I am thinking so, but frankly I  am not entirely sure how stuffed sheep get...... ah, how can I say this without upsetting her, with lamb?

There are little lambs running amok in my house and in my yard.  Little lambs, a sick teenager (fever of 102 for two days and a sore throat) house guests, and work have kept me very busy the last few days.  I hope you understand why I have not been visiting your blogs, there is just so much going on.  And four little ones running every which way has not helped. 

Today Fluffy and I have had a bit of a heart to heart.  You see we just do not have the land to feed five sheep, these little ones are only going to get bigger.  Fluffy totally understands, she really loves them but she is exhausted, four babies is just too much for one sheep to handle.  So after a lot of loving, hugs, kisses and a few tears they are now on their way to a new home.  They are going to love it!  I can't wait for them to arrive.  I just know they are going to be so loved.

Look they even exhaust themselves, falling asleep right in the middle of the yard.  Suddenly the house is much quieter, well that is except for the house guests, they are leaving this evening.  Sweet little lambs, you will be missed, but I can not wait for you to make it to your new home.

Max has been exhausted by all the activity.  He informed me that he is not a herding dog and would not be responsible for the little ones.  He has enough responsibilities at the house guarding all of us and barking at the pool everyday.

Hope you are having a lovely day, filled with wonderful surprises.