Sunday, February 1, 2015

Heavy hearted

There are just some weeks that get you down, weeks were you can't seem to regroup.  Last week we heard of a young man who killed himself and it has broken every one's heart.  He was 15 and when my kids were younger they swam at the same swim team this young man did.  Well he was little then, just a little boy in fact.  His older brother was friends with my Teenager for a few years, he was often at our house playing after swim practice.  


Such a huge waste of a life that was just beginning to blossom.  I went to the viewing yesterday with my friend Holly and my knitting friend Cathy.  We were all connected to this family for a time.  Cathy coached this young man when he was younger, and Holly's son swam with the same team.  It was so hard to see his family so completely shattered.  His Mom was taking charge but sobbing, his Father was just broken.  Really there are no words to say except that you are so, so sorry for their loss and it wasn't their fault.  As I hugged this poor woman and felt her sobbing it just was so incredibly sad.  How do you get over something like this?  How do they move on with their lives especially now that the memorials and services are over?  


She feels she missed something, but boys are just plain stupid when they are younger.  They are impulsive and never see the big picture of their actions.  Girls are also but they tend to be a bit more developed at the age of 15.  This is the swim team my oldest son was treated so horribly at by the coach.  I have heard that this young man was also.  It never stops, the bullying by this horrible man.  I am not sure if it had anything to do with this child's death but I can't in my heart believe it didn't.  Your coach is supposed to be the person you can go to with anything, the activity, like swimming, should be the least important aspect of your relationship.  Well for a good coach that is how it should be.  My heart is so sad for this family because at the age of 15 it could have been my son for all he went through there.  We worked and worked with him to get him through that tough time.  He has been gone from that team for 4 years this Spring, but I still see that he is affected by what this coach said to him, over and over again.  It just breaks my heart for all the young people he has hurt and for all the incredibly stupid parents who stay..........   

This, on top of a really tough work week, has just got me worn out.  Plain and simply worn out.  I did not even knit or crochet for five whole days, a record for me.  So last night I forced myself to cast on a baby hat for Taci and her baby hat project.  I am also going to make a crochet version or two from Teresa's crochet pattern she posted a day or two ago.  Hopefully this will calm me down and help me deal with the week I had.


Of course this guy is going to help lighten up my heart.  He is in 3T pj's now, he is growing!


He is waving, "Hi" to you!


I know you want to wave right back.

59 comments:

Maureen said...

Hugs. Take care of yourself and those around you.

Maureen

moonstruckcreations said...

I am so very sorry to hear this very sad news, how truly dreadful. A couple of months ago a young man I used to teach took his own life, it was such a terrible shock, such a waste.

LB is sure to be a real boost at times like these, but take it easy and make sure you have some time just for you.

Big hugs to you and of course a cheery wave to LB!

Helenxx

ellen said...

This truly is heartbreaking. I am having such a difficult time finding the right words..but perhaps there are no words when hearts are so wounded.
I am sending special thoughts your way and lots of love.
Ellen.

kathyinozarks said...

so sorry to read this Meredith, this is so devastating and will take a long time for the family to feel better again.
waving back at Littly Buddy
Please take care of you-can you get some personal time off for yourself from work? that may be needed right now-hugs
Kathy

kristieinbc said...

That is so incredibly tragic. Those poor, poor parents. They'll question themselves for the rest of their lives, in spite of the fact it wasn't their fault. As for the swim coach, hearing about coaches like him makes my blood boil. There seem to be so many of them. My friend's niece, a high level Canadian gymnast, was shattered by the abuse she suffered at the hands of a coach when she was in her early teens. She had to take a year off to recover emotionally which cost her her place on the Olympic team. And like your son, still bears the scars.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself.

Sue Silva said...

My son was a very moody teenager; I watched him like a hawk and thankfully we got through it.

I can't imagine the pain this family is going through.

Love,
S

Christina said...

Oh Meredith, I am sending you hugs. xxx

Cheryl mylittlepieceofengland said...

I had to wave right back with a big silly grin on my face, what a bundle of cuteness he is, so handsome in his pjs. No wonder you feel so worn out, so drained I imagine. The poor child's parents, my heart breaks for them. Hope you feel better soon xxx

Hedy King said...

Kids are impulsive and can be so good at hiding their thoughts from parents. I pray these parents know they did the best they knew how.
I hope your Little Buddy and your yarn work help ease your pain, Meredith.

Linda Powell said...

This is so terribly sad and any parent reading your telling of this would know in their hearts that this age group is especially vulnerable. Bullying in any form cannot be tolerated but it is so hard to stamp it out sometimes.It makes you wonder how this coach is still being so awful with his students and it breaks my heart.

A huge wave back to buddy, he's coming along splendidly.

Take care dear friend (((hugs)))

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Things like this just shake us to our core! I am so sorry for this loss and the impact it has had on you. My oldest was bullied and I am so so thankful that she is still alive. There was a time when I worried about suicide and I wasn't wrong to worry. I am one of the lucky parents. My heart goes out to them. Waving back to Little Buddy!
hugs,
Linda

Valentina Olden Patterns said...

Heartbreaking indeed, words fail me...
Hope Little Buddy will bring a bit of sunshine in your next days...
Hugs! xx

Teresa Kasner said...

There is nothing more devastating than the loss of a young person who has their whole life ahead of them. And the second-guessing of everyone around him wondering what they missed or what they could have done.. ::sigh:: I do hope that you can soothe your soul with some knitting and crocheting.
((hugs)), Teresa

Amy at love made my home said...

Such a tragic loss, and it is even sadder because of what you said about the swim coach. I cannot begin to imagine how this has affected his family and your family too, you must all be devastated. So sorry for all of your loss. Massive hugs to you my dear. I am waiving hello in a big way to Buddy! Love to you. xx

Teresa said...

Oh my gosh! How terrible for everyone! But especially for the family of the young man. The questions they must be asking themselves must be so hard. What if, what if, what if... Plus I am sure that some people have said some insensitive things. No one will truely ever understand why. The boy might have not known either, just that it got to be too much. Prayers said for the family and everyone else.
Big waves back to LB.

Angel Jem said...

I don't know how the family move on... perhaps they don't, or perhaps they use their pain to do great things. Perhaps they feel the love that you and all their friends have and it carries them through. It's a sad, tragic and futile loss of life.

gaia said...

It is so sad... Hugs,
Gaia.

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

I want to grab that boy right up and smother him in kisses. :) Such a cutie patootie!

Very sad when someone takes their own life. Always so very hard to understand how someone gets to that point. My cousin's wife did it many, many years ago, leaving behind two young boys. Just awful.

Bullying is never okay and even worse when it is coming from an adult who should know better, a coach who should be modeling good sportsmanship. I saw it so much out at baseball. My kids couldn't stand coaches that yelled or kids that threw fits if they didn't win. My boys just wanted to play the game and have fun. You win, you lose, they didn't care.

A week ago, just across the street from us, a police officers 11 year old son took his father's gun and shot himself in the head. They don't know if it was an accident or on purpose, but either way, it is heartbreaking. Those left behind suffer, not knowing if they should have sensed something.

Sending hugs your way,
Tammy

Una said...

I'm waving back. This is the little boy who will keep on cheering you up. I don't know how the poor parents will get over this. I had a dreadful phone call last year to say my daughter was in hospital after taking too many pain killers. It turned out she had taken 3. She only took the third one because she still had a headache. Then she panicked and went a bit hysterical and her school phoned an ambulance. I imagined all sorts of things until I arrived at the hospital and found her waiting to come home. I was SO relieved.

CJ said...

Oh Meredith, how absolutely devastating. My heart goes out to his poor family. Depression is utterly terrifying, everyone around is left feeling so helpless. It is the job of a coach to be a mentor to his pupils, to be someone a boy can turn to. The actions of this man sound like a complete breach of trust. I do hope he is removed, and kept well away from children, although parents will no doubt need to join forces to make this happen. I'm waving back to your sweet Little Buddy, and sending you a big hug, I can imagine how this has upset you. You are in my thoughts. CJ xx

Crafty in the Med said...

Hello and I'm waving back darling!!!!

Just for you angel a BIG X from Spain

xxx

Amanda

Carla from The River said...

Hello,
In year 2012 a young girl, 14 years old killed herself in a community 6 miles from us. It was because of bulling on Facebook!
I just do not understand the EVIL in people. Why so much hate?

I will say, ending your post with Little Buddy made my day!
Carla

Carla from The River said...

Sending prayers and hugs too.
xx oo
Carla

Jill at emeraldcottage said...

What a terrible tragic loss. You can't imagine how you'd deal with this, how would life go on afterwards for his parents.
It makes you want to hug your own children and keep them safe and secure doesn't it.
Love Little Buddy's wave. He looks like he's fending off the paparazzi "no pictures!"
Huge hug from me,
Jillxo

Neighborhood Watch said...

Such a sad story. At times like these I'm not sure any words are enough. Hugs to you.

Becky L. said...

A princess wave back to your little guy. A sweet smile on his face does the trick when one is down. Sorry for your loss and your friends loss. Sad to hear a teen so young to take his life. Awful and life altering but live on in the moment by moment and I will be praying for you and the family. Sadness hit us as well as a 35 yr old man died in a freak mtn bike accident a few weeks ago, that left his sweet wife with 2 little girls and baby #3 on the way. Life....it isn't easy nor are there easy answers. Tears and prayers and remembering there is a God who loves us all. Hugs and hope you can find some happy moments!!! Hang in there!

Plain Jane said...

These things never make sense Meredith - but importantly you and your friends have shown true support - a priceless action at such a time. You have your gorgeous little Buddy with you and with him comes so many positives. Please take care and know that we are all sending hugs x Jane

Shirley said...

Meredith, You really wonder what goes on in the minds of young children. There was a boy that went to school not far from here that did the same thing. My heart goes out to the parents and to you, Unfortunately there are coached out there that bully the kids and it does affect them. Young Buddy gets a big wave and hug from me. He is such a cutie. Remember to have a little "ME" time for yourself. Take care. Hugs and Prayers from Your Missouri Friend.

Caffeine Girl said...

Nothing is sadder than a young person who commits suicide. It is heartbreaking to think of a child feeling so alone and powerless. My heart goes out to the families.

It was a rough week for me at work and I was feeling just as drained by Friday. It took my all weekend long just to feel human again.

Take care of yourself.

Maschelle Mashburn said...

Oh, that tears my heart in two! It leaves me speechless, it's so horrible to comprehend. We had a girl's softball coach (high-school girls) and they were being molested by their coach. They didn't tell, because he was our towns' Police. Chief. They thought no one would believe them. One girl attempted suicide but survived. Thank God! He was caught when he tried to molest his best friend's teen daughter. She told her dad. Finally, this monster went to jail. But the ruined young lives! I will pray for this young man's family, and for him: for, surely, we must go on? We just have to..
Hang in there. I'm SO sorry.

Joy said...

My lovely Meredith, this is such devastating news for all concerned and I feel your pain; I wish you peace of heart and mind.
Hello Little Buddy, you certainly have grown since last I popped into blogland and I'm waving right back at you, you gorgeous child! xo Joy

Joyful said...

So very sad. Give Little Buddy an extra hug for me for his precious waves. Big hugs to you too dear Meredith.

Stins said...

Hello sweet little buddy, so nice of you to wave to us!
I am so sorry to hear that devastating news Meredith...
I can not even bare the thought of it....
Big hugs, Mirjam xx

Gracie Saylor said...

Dear Meredith,
Wondering what could have or should have been done to prevent the tragedy you are experiencing was a part of the process for me and others of coping with a friend's suicide seven years ago. God allowed me to be comforted, counseled, and encouraged a little bit at a time over the last seven years, and the shock has diminished while the grief morphs from one form to the next as time goes by. My husband and I had just finished a course on recognizing the symptoms of a suicidal person and another friend who was a clinical psychologist mourned with us that he too had missed the signs for our friend's action, and the family members including one who was a nurse, were stunned by the suicide... Ultimately we were not in charge, but our grief sensitizes us to love those around us and perhaps prevent someone else from taking their life.
I'm so glad you invested in Earth Boxes! I also have friends who had great success with them and I hope to do more gardening with them this year.
Little Buddy's haircut looks great to me. He is very handsome. I too am waving to him, and sending you and yours hugs and am asking God to comfort and encourage you in the days ahead. xxxxx

Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

I am waving right back!

Such a tragic loss. I am so sorry for that family's grief... I cannot begin to imagine.

hugs to you, dear Meredith. Take good care of yourself. blessings ~ tanna

Grammy Braxton said...

Waving hi to Little Buddy! That sweet face must bring you comfort. How incredibly hard to have to deal with such a loss. I feel so for his parents. It is hard enough to lose someone to illness or accident, but to lose your child to suicide? I can't imagine the pain. Love to you and your family. I'm glad you were able to help your son through his tough time.
Hugs,
Sharon

kathy b said...

The ripple of grief touches so many. Mere you deserve a great new week

I've been thinking of you so much the last few days. You give me strength!

Lil b waving is the BEST

mynestofyarnandbuttons said...

Oh Sweet Meredith, my heart goes out to you and this boy's family. It is such a tragedy and as you said a senseless act, and so hard to get through. I feel for the family because I don't think you ever get over it but you do go on. It has happened in my extended family also. One just never knows what goes on in the minds of young boys and girls. But LB will bring a smile to your life, he has to me! Waves to LB and hugs to you.
xoRobin

Willow said...

Is it an epidemic? Or just that we have access to quicker/more information? Two young men from here this past week... the pain of those left behind is so so hard. I am so sorry.
Don't ask what you can do to help. Just do it. Meals. Memories.
For you, knit and crochet simple things. On hard days, I knit hats for the NICU. It helps, somehow.

linda said...

How awful and so terribly sad sending you hugs and a big wave back to Little Buddy xxx

Acorn to Oak said...

That is such a terribly sad story! And, I'm amazed how that man is still being allowed to coach! Horrible!

Good for you for forcing yourself to pick up your crocheting. It's hard to do sometimes when times are tough but it's so therapeutic. Wishing you a much better week!

Big wave back to little buddy! :-)

Dee said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I truly hope it wasn't the coach that made this young man feel so hopeless. But, sadly, not everyone coaches for the right reasons or is suited to the task.

Little Buddy I wave right back at you and if I was there --- I'd give you AND your mommy a great big hug.

My Garden Diaries said...

I am waving right back to him! And I am so sorry to hear about the loss of this young man. No words as we have lost many kids to suicide in our area. I will be sending prayers to his family. And yes coaches should help out kids but often times you get bad apples...been through that myself. Sending you positive thoughts friend...that you have some good things come your way this week. Take care you...Nicole xo

handmade by amalia said...

Stay strong Meredith! Things will look up. A big hug for you.
Amalia
xp

Helen said...

Such sad news, thinking of you and everyone. I hope that the coach doesn't stay much longer it sounds like he has done an awful amount of damage.

Look after yourself, Little Buddy is growing so much! I bet he brings you so much joy :) xx

Gillian said...

Give Little Buddy a big wave back from me. I'm very sorry to hear about this young person's death. His parents must be going through a really terrible time. There are far too many, mostly young men, who end their own lives.

Delia Ryder said...

I am really sorry to hear of your friends loss this really struck a cord with me as last year was a very difficult one for myself and my youngest son and this could have been him if we hadn't taken the path we had to with him. He now lives with his dad and is living in the country instead of the town which breaks my heart but if I hadn't he may not have been here now. Life is so painful at times I am sending you and your friend a big hug and just to say my thoughts are will you. Can this coach not be struck off for what he has been doing over the years? if he is a bully then isn't it simply a case that if there are enough complaints against him something could be done? Waving back at little Buddy bless his heart. Hope you have a softer week, best wishes, Dee x

mamasmercantile said...

Sending you a hug, it is heart rendering, so sad. However Little Buddy did make me smile and lighten the moment.

Jo said...

I am waving and sending hugs to you all. Jo x

Lynne said...

This is the 3rd suicide I've heard about in the last three months (all boys about the same age). It's just awful. Sometimes even with good parenting, things happen. It makes you think about your own children, and you want to hold them closer.
Hope your week gets better Meredith.
Lots of hugs
Lynne

Melissa said...

I've had suicide in my family twice now, its hard, really hard. And little buddy ALWAYS makes me smile.

Susanne Tyree said...

This hits home. My brother and his wife lost their 11 year old son to suicide. If it wasn't the very act itself, it was the age of the child that was so devastating. What, you ask yourself could go so horribly wrong in the mind of a child so young to make them want to take their own life. And it is true, death comes in 3's, because later my sil found out that one of her sisters, a school teacher, was diagnosed with brain cancer and dying. Then she lost her mother who never really recovered from a fall from a bus in Italy. There are no words for any of this, especially the unknown reasons. About the only thing you can do is to be there as a friend and offer support. It is highly probable that the parents are just going through the motions and are so deep in their grief that they are reliving over and over what they could have done differently to have prevented this. Honestly, it was probably nothing that they could have done. Only God knows the answer to what was really going on. My condolences.
Your little guy is growing like a weed. I am waving "Hi" back at him. Give him a hug from me. Children grow up right under our noses, way too fast.
(((HUGS to you friend)))
Susanne :)

Laura from beautiful West Michigan said...

Oh, Meredith. I work in the office of a high school and this weekend we had a student commit suicide. I'm just so sad because he had no hope left, and he didn't let anyone know. Family and friends were shocked. I'm hugging you.

Chris said...

Oh man, how terribly sad and shocking. I can't even begin to fathom how all those around him can cope or come to terms with this tragedy. How on earth will his family heal? Sending you a virtual hug right now. Right back at ya Little buddy, you are the bees knees!! I'm way behind on my blogs but I just read about your Earth boxes, they are so cool!! And so interesting. Keep well my friend.

Lilbitbrit said...

Such sad, sad news. How terrible for his family, because they will always think couldn't we have seen something?

It was very hard for us when Rob's friend Mike died, and that was a number of circumstances that led up to that. Hospital incompetence, if only he had had an MRI years ago. So much.

I know it knocked Rob for a loop in his first year at College, and some of his teachers were less than sympathetic, I just don't understand that.

What can I say about a coach like that?

I share your sadness.

RedSetter said...

How heart achingly sad for his parents and all the lives he touched.

Ljubinka said...

So terribly sad.:(

Toni said...

Oh no--I just can't even begin to imagine what that poor family is going through. Hugs to you all.