Saturday, September 29, 2018

This week, a new skull shawl and a boy's and women's weekend...............

After this week in the news I though we could all use a little but of Little Buddy love.  With the seasons changing and an ever tiny bit of coolness creeping into the morning air, I also see changes in this little one.  He is getting older, much as I hate that.  He lights up my life, yet as a typical boy makes me a bit crazy.   The older boys and Dad have headed off to Wisconsin for the Packers game on Sunday.  So it is a boy's and women's weekend at our house according to Little Buddy.  He is very much into the plural right now.  Not sure who the other women are in the house but apparently there are some.  He wanted a sleep over in the big bed, not the seven year old's bed so that is exactly what he got.  It was fun to see his sweet face snuggled up next to me this morning when I woke up.

Onto the news, this week has been something hasn't it?  Dr. Christine Blasey  Ford is my hero.  She spoke out in a hostile environment when she felt she had to, not because she wanted to.  She was strong and eloquent, contained yet emoted her fear, anxiety, and her story.  She has nothing to gain, nothing at all, which makes her more credible to me.  The thing is I have never been molested or raped in the way I feel it has been defined.  A reader recently sent me an email and she thought I had been.  If I have alluded to this on this blog I am sorry, I am sorry if I have implied in some way that I am part of that group of women who have been so horrible wronged and violated.  I have had a man expose himself to me while walking to middle school while I was alone.  I have been held against my will by an older man in the ward where I was doing my psych rotation as he slathered his disgusting mouth all over mine.  I have been felt up and down by men while holding up food and drinks on a tray while I was a waitress in college, of course with your hands full you can't defend yourself.  I had one man feel right up my skirt on an elevator but when I turned around in that crowded space no one made eye contact with me.  I had a terrible experience with a young man I had dated that visited me when I lived in Virginia and berated me for hours in a drunken stupor and then tried to force himself on me, I got away, drove him to the airport the next day morning even if he did not have a flight then called my sister and cried and cried.  What I am trying to say here is that I am not special, this was the norm and it appears that it still is.  We all have experienced something in our lives because we are women.  And that Senate panel once again tried to make Dr Ford's story, the story of all women, something that is not important enough to even investigate until Senator Jeff Flake finally spoke up.  Judge Kavanagh and Dr Ford both deserve to be heard, and their stories investigated.  I have to say thank you to Dr Ford for speaking up, she will never see this blog or know me in any way, yet she moved me with her poise and determination.  Okay, enough lectures here. 

Memento Mori Shawl number two is finished.  This is the one made specifically for Little Buddy's speech pathologist, due to her love of all things pirate.   It is big, really big but light weight.  Made with Malabrigo Rasta.  I used up almost the entire two skeins of yarn for this project so I am guessing it used 600 yards of yarn.  Oh, and I used a size H hook so the stitches are small but the drape is still lovely.

I will leave you with this photo of the boys looking at me this morning.  They celebrated their 11 month birthday on Wednesday, and my Father would have been 96 yesterday.  Rest in peace Dad, you are missed.  

Okay, I am out of here, I have a lot of boy's and women's things to do.


Jill at emeraldcottage said...

Love your shawl Meredith, such a beautiful colour. Can't believe how big Little Buddy has got! Hope you two have a lovely weekend

Jodiebodie said...

Hi Meredith,
On the TV news here tonight, there was video of a woman who had bailed Senator Flake up in a lift (elevator) and gave him a piece of her mind while the TV cameras were flocking around to capture her. Did you see any of that footage? There was speculation about whether she influenced his opinions at all but you should have seen his face. Good on her!
I am appalled at what you have endured in the past, Meredith, and how often you were disrespected and abused by men. What a shocking culture. Those females who have not experienced disrespect, mistreatment or assault or other abuses because they are female must be rare.

As a schoolgirl I experienced: an old man sit next to me on a bus full of people and attempt to molest me (he though he could trap me by sitting between me and the aisle but I raised my voice and shamed him and I forced my way out of there - thank goodness for older friends who told me what to do if it ever happened but how did those friends who were not much older know?); some other pervert exposing himself to me and a friend as we stepped off the bus, a man approached my older friend and me as we walked on an errand to the shops and he wanted to photograph us (my wise older buddy grabbed my hand and we ran!) and one night I was woken up by something outside a window and it was a man conducting an indecent act! And all that before I was even 14 years of age!

Your experiences and mine show how vulnerable we can be as females through no fault of our own. For so long these personal security issues have been treated as "women's issues" and "women's problems" (blaming the victim) when in fact, these and other forms of violence against women are "men's problems". It's about time that men take responsibility for their behaviours and attitudes and tackle the roots of their problems. I agree with you that it seems to be a cultural thing in certain groups of men.

On the other hand, I know so many lovely men who are wonderful role models for our boys but I also know men who feel a sense of shame to be male because of so many men doing the wrong things. It certainly is a 'men's problem' on all sorts of levels.

I feel ardent about supporting our boys and young men to have healthy self esteem and healthy relationships. We can break the cycles of abuse with them.

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Enjoy the boy's and women's day! I love kids! Anyway you have so eloquently said what I feel and how many women feel. I've not been raped but I've been mauled and pushed around by men who thought they could because they physically were bigger and stronger. I've felt helpless and trapped before. I won't look the other way when men degrade this brave and honest woman. Hugs!

Nana Go-Go said...

I can't get the picture of that room filled with men in dark suits and one small woman speaking up for us all. You're right though, it used to be the 'norm' for men to behave in this way. I've also had stuff happen to me which I care not to recount on a public forum but nothing half as bad as what we're bearing witness to now. I daresay Mr. Kavanagh isn't the only high-ranking powerful man to have skeletons in the closet and goodness only knows what the FBI investigation (if there is one) will uncover but it's good news that it's all being dealt with.
Your boy is becoming quite the handsome young man and of course, those pooches are beyond cute!
I miss my Dad too, everyday.xx

bittenbyknittin said...

Yes, Dr Ford is brave and strong and Judge Kavanaugh is NOT. My sense is if there are three women with complaints against him, there are many more remaining silent. Hopefully, they will speak up. We don't need another sexual harasser on the Supreme Court. Meanwhile, enjoy your weekend with LB and "the boys".

CJ said...

Meredith, that is a lot of darkness indeed, and as you say it seems to be normal, which is dreadful. I second what you say about Dr Ford, no doubt speaking out required enormous courage, and having to now suffer abuse and death threats - I don't have the words. I do so appreciate the way you speak out and support what is good and right here. I hope you have a lovely boy's and women's weekend, I imagine it will be a very good thing. CJ xx

Anonymous said...

Little Buddy sure is growing up fast. No more "baby" face. Hope you two (four?) have a wonderful boy's and women's weekend.


Lorrie said...

Little Buddy is growing up so fast. Have a great weekend together!

Caffeine Girl said...

I am with you on Judge Kavanaugh! I think there are very few women who don't have experiences like the ones you described. I certainly do. I've been afraid that I would be able to stop a determined man, exposed to, etc. If he joins the court, it will no longer be supreme. His past is just too spotty. You and I both have sons, and we know that the vast majority of young men aren't interested in the kind of behavior that Kavanaugh and his friends engaged in.

It was nice to see your lovely wholesome boys! There is nothing but joy and mischief in those three guys!

Lee said...

Hi,It is very distressing for any woman to experience these kind of sick making advances from men.I am so sorry to read your post.On a more
happy note,the shawl is Stunning and your Lil Buddy is a joy and you must be so proud of yourself and of course him.Those Furry bundles are enough to light up anyones day,to ease the stress,even when they are naughty you can't help but look at their darling faces and laugh.Sending Sincere Hugs from over the pond.xxxxxxxxxx

Araignee said...

Thank you for sharing your Me Too moments. It has been such a terrible week. All of us who have experienced such things have been triggered into reliving our worst nightmares. I think I have gained 10 pounds from nervous eating. Although I grew up in the 60's during the "free love" movement, I had my share of unwanted attention. One experience in a dark parking lot by a man who followed me out of a local college bar still upsets me to think about and it took place over 50 years ago. I hope that creepy dude is DEAD now. Lol.
The shawl is so fun. I love it in those colors-very spooky!

Joy@aVintageGreen said...

Hugs Meridith. Celebrate Meredith and Little Buddy's Happy women's and boy's time together - plus the Pup's 11 month Anniversary. Love the wonderfully soft and scary pirates shawl you finished for a special person.

Your post today did bring me to tears, so many buried and hidden abuses against females.

Watching that brave and honest woman speak to the world - I pray Dr. Ford remain safe from those who hate, from those who lie, those who hide and pretend and only live for their own desire to dictate and rule and denigrate.


Betsy said...

I love those photos of little Buddy. He really IS growing. Noticeably. I’m glad you are having a good weekend together while the big boys enjoy time together too. That shawl is wonderful and I know will be loved by it’s recipient. I want to hug your two fur-boys. They look like clowns. :-)
Blessings always,

Lisa said...

Loved reading your thoughts on the topic. I am sorry you went through all of that and it is sad that so many women do face this reality. I am glad Dr.Ford took a stand and is making a difference. Such cute photos of Buddy he is growing up! Love your shawl and the color. Your puppies are so cute! Enjoy your Boy's and women's time!

kathy b said...

This makes me think of our near meet last year~ !!!! I hope the men have fun and they get a Green bay WIN!!!!!!
I thank every woman who has told her story. Thank you for telling yours, Mere. It was a difficult difficult week. My daughter was so upset about all of it. We were outraged together.
Lil Buddy looks so healthy!!!! It is fun to see him sitting there with no braces, no glasses ...just his wonderful self. And those puppies.....they are another dose of cute that we need right now!

Anita said...

Enjoy your beautiful weekend with Buddy and I have to say that when I first looked at his photo in this post I immediately was thinking how much he has grown. He certainly has the big boy look now and what an amazing journey it has been and will be. I will have to investigate the story you shared because I have not known of it. Love the shawl pattern and your twins are so cute. x

Annie said...

I think it is heartbreaking that you say you’ve not been molested but then you cite multiple times that you have, in fact, been molested sexually. That you, as a victim, downplay these events which were, I expect, very upsetting.
How many of us have had these experiences and just kept quiet out of shame or some sense that they didn’t matter or we were making too much of them? Like you, I’ve been attacked or molested multiple times in my life and I still feel embarrassed and ashamed even though it wasn’t my fault.

Babajeza said...

"This was the norm. Still is the norm. ???? Really? I'm shocked. Hugs, Regula

Sigrid Swinnen said...

I love your shawl (beautiful color!) and as always the photos of your 3 boys made me smile!
About the news then, how can anybody not agree with what you say?
To me it's obvious that such behaviour and even the slightest hint of such behaviour can't be tolerated, not in the Senate and just nowhere in the world!
It needs no explanation, it's just not done and it makes me very angry that it was (and is still being) seen as 'normal', because it's just not!
This is the year 2018, or am I wrong??
I'm getting too angry, I'll better stop and have another look at your happy pictures...
Take care,

tammy j said...

I've read every wonderful comment and have only this to add... we are strongest together. almost all of us have had experiences. I have always kept quiet about my own. it's just what you did. somehow we grew up with the subliminal message that WE were the ones who must have instigated their behavior. how do you 'instigate' something when you're not even 10 years old? !!! one time for me was at a public swimming pool and three young men started grabbing us little girls and tossing us through the air to each other like rag dolls. they were strong and the water was deep. they dunked us when they caught us and under the water as each one caught you he grabbed other places. like our "president" bragged about and enjoyed grabbing. I had never been touched there by anyone. and we were choking and crying. and they were laughing. and the water was so deep to us. when the lifeguard saw what was happening she blew her whistle. she was a young woman. they threw us aside finally and I remember barely making it to the edge of the pool. they each took one of her feet and the other one took her under her arms and they carried her like a sack of potatoes into the men's side of the public changing rooms. NOBODY went to her rescue!!! nobody. I don't know what happened in there. we were crying and just trying to leave. we had a pool pass that year and our mothers thought it was a safe place. we had lessons in the morning and could stay for the public swimming after our lessons.
I am 73 now and I still remember that. and the other times in offices. which we ignored because we 'needed the job.' it just always 'was what it was.'
I admire the courage of Dr Ford and all these women now who have spoken about things aloud. it will finally make a difference.
but it's also important to know even now that there are mothers and fathers raising good men! and we all know many who are good men in our own lives. maybe we can change this culture. it's the patriarchs young and old that get me riled. and their sense of entitlement to everything... whether it's a woman's body or placing someone in the highest court in the land... or an important position of 'power' in Washington.
and then just in time to end this rant there is Little Buddy and two puppies and the Woman of the House! LOL! I love it. the pictures alone are uplifting! they are all just adorable!!! I'm glad you could have such a wonderful weekend. I LOVED every picture. and how you find time to knit and so beautifully too ... well it's still a miracle to me! bless you Mere! xoxo

mamasmercantile said...

Hope you are having a wonderful boy's and women's weekend. Have you got secret lodgers we know nothing about???? Another beautiful shawl, loved the yarn. Always a joy to see your fur babies.

Teresa Kasner said...

Little Buddy is growing bigger and stronger every time I see him. You are doing a magnificent job of raising him!! I also love seeing your fur boys at almost a year old. Time sure flies!

Now.. I am with you on admiring Dr. Ford. I watched her testimony with such respect. Luckily I had to go swimming and missed seeing the testimony of BK. What I saw from the news and snippets was infuriating! He behaved so politically hateful and was such a whiny crybaby - to me he failed this job interview woefully. If they do vote him in I will lose complete faith in the system we have in place. I can only hope that the young people that are voting in the next two elections will purge our government of these old partisan goats and put in some younger people who will work across the aisle to build a better America.

I read your experiences with sadness. My worst experience I cannot tell you in a public forum. I will tell you in private. I consider myself lucky that I escaped with a small amount of being physically and emotionally abused. How sad is that - that I'm amazed I wasn't hurt worse than I was? ::sigh::

All I can say is that I'm so glad this kind of behavior is being brought out of the dark and into the light and hopefully girls will see what they don't have to put up with and boys will learn what they cannot and should not do.

((hugs)), Teresa :-)

Christina said...

I feel like crying just now Meredith. Reading about your awful awful experiences make me sad and angry. I am very lucky to have never experienced anything like it, not even remotely. I don't understand why anyone still thinks Mr Kavanaugh makes a good candidate to be s Supreme Court Judge, it is just plain wrong.

I do very much hope that your mother and son weekend was fun. Little Buddy always puts a smile on my face. Wishing you a wonderful week xx

karen said...

your son has the brightest of smiles to bring happiness on a crazy week. Love your pups too. When it was just me and the kids we would have breakfast for dinner or take out!

Jo said...

I hope you had a great boy's and women's weekend. Little Buddy is growing up fast and so are those two fluffy boys. The shawl is fabulous, I'm sure Little Buddy's speech pathologist will love it.

Bridget said...

I hope you had a good weekend, and felt you had a chance to recover from the week. Little Buddy looks so much bigger all of a sudden!

I hope you found the other woman who was supposedly going to help you enjoy the weekend ... ;-)

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

The first thing I thought before I even read what you wrote was that Little B is looking so big. I can't even believe it is October and we are nearing the end of another year.

That shawl is in one of my favorite colors. I'm sure Z's speech pathologist will love it.

I am just in utter disbelief with everything that is happening in Washington. And then to see you know who speak in front of his adoring fans and belittle everyone is just seriously so disgusting. I feel we are living in such a warped world at the moment. A huge shift has got to be coming.

I have experienced many sexual misconducts in my life from messed up men, but have never felt shame or blamed myself because I always knew it was them with the problem, not me and that I never asked for it.

Kisses for those fur-boys! Hugs and blessings, Tammy

Nance said...

I'm sorry all of those things happened to you.

It's sad that women, for hundreds of years, have had to put up with and rise above dominating and sick sexual behaviour from men and simply dismiss it as Something That Happens Oh Well.

As if it is merely Our Lot In Life.

Because it has been.

So infuriating.

Hopefully, things are changing. We are raising our sons to Be Different.

Melanie said...

The color of your newest shawl is gorgeous! Little Buddy is so cute with what he says...I love that he wanted it to be a boys and women's weekend. That's darling.

Thank you for sharing what you said about Dr Ford and some of the things that happened to you as a woman. I have not been molested or raped either, but I have been taken advantage of and had creepy experiences like the ones you mentioned. A couple that come to mind were when I was young (21) and working for a large pharmaceutical company. One time, one of the salesmen told me he could see right through my dress and how he liked that. I also had a very bad experience with two of my male bosses there; one I don't want to talk about on here, another who got drunk at a work party and slapped my butt as he walked past me. I did report him for that.

elns said...

The state of the world, this whole Kavanaugh layer has been trying. I think we are all doing our best to stay aware but I am withdrawing a little more these days. I feel like I'm on the edge of anxiety and I'm going into self preservation mode for a bit.

Stabilize and then I can analyze some more.

Anyhow, I love the color of this shawl. It's fun to see it now in this bright bold color, such a great accent piece after enjoying the texture in the soft light gray before!

Little Buddy has many plurals to enjoy it seems! I hope he enjoys everythings! Such cute photos of him. xoxo

Penny said...

I hear you loud and clear. It seems that as women we have all had similar experiences. X