Sunday, March 31, 2024

Happy Easter


Happy Easter everyone!  Hope you are all having a beautiful day!

Friday, March 8, 2024



Hello Everyone! Are any of you still here? 

I am checking in as of course it has been a while.  I am reading your posts as much as possible but thought I would try to take some time to check in here and give a little update.  

 I have been doing some very big girl things and I have to say I am quite proud of myself!  Not that I didn't do this type of thing before but actually taking charge of your home, your finances with no one to answer to is very empowering.  I had my beautiful Camphor tree trimmed all up.  It was a big expense but was much needed especially before hurricane season comes along.  I am a tree lover through and through and hate to see them getting a trim even if it is needed. I had three of these beautiful trees at my other home so seeing this big one in this front yard was an immediate pull for me when I was looking for a new home.  There are other home updates coming along, things that needed to be done before but had to wait until I could see what my financial situation would be before moving forward on them.

Another big girl item, new furniture for my family room. I never sat in my family room here or in my other house, I always sat at the kitchen table.  I did not like that big family room with 12 foot ceilings in my other house or the, "mandatory" furniture that had to be leather and reclining.  I am not a leather fan, too cold in the winter and hot in the summer, I know it cleans up well but still I never liked it and that is what we always had to have.  It occured to me in December that I never sat in the family room in my new house, it just never felt right to me, cold, uninviting, awkward, sort of like I had pieces of my old life that did not fit together.  So off I went to the furniture store for a sectional, but soon realized my room was long and narrow and it would not work.  So I found this beautiful sofa, loveseat and ottoman and I am in love.  It was supposed to be delivered in January but got delayed until February.  A week before the delivery I went and purchased a new mattress to be delivered on the same date.  Let me tell you everything is so lovely, comfortable and just so wonderful to look at.  The family room is warm, cozy and inviting and I just love it all. I feel like that was a big piece of the puzzle missing with my house.  I love my house so much but something still felt,"off" to me, now it feels perfect.  As you can see the boys and Luna are very happy with it as well.

I had covid in January which was a bit of a breeze and it just frustrated me that I had to take off work when I was not feeling that bad.  Now those restrictions have been lifted but I still would take time off out of respect for the families I work with.  The same family that gave me covid gave me a cold recently, which I might add was way worse and is still lingering two weeks later.  This week I got my first ear infection at the lovely age of 59 and now have a perforated eardrum!  This is a pain I would not like to experience ever again if I can help it. I can't hear at all out of my left ear and I have to say I am disoriented because my right ear is very impaired in the hearing department, but hopefully it will soon get better with lots of antibiotics and a bit of rest this weekend.  Little Buddy had a wee cold last weekend and I feel he was being a bit dramatic about it, but is all well now just in time for spring break with his dad. 

Speaking of Little Buddy, he is getting so big!  Today was jeans day at school, he never wears jeans so I had to take a photo just to remember how cute he is in them.  He has been a bit of a pistol at school and at home but I guess that is what almost 13 year olds do.  He can't be a pistol with friends, or get all that extra preteen attitude out on an athletic field or running around with friends outside so it comes out with me.  Too many changes in his life, way too close together come out as unresolved anger and frustration. Still I am not turning him in, although I have thought about renting him out, very cheaply I might add, if there are any takers interested.

The last photo is just for fun, I have no idea when he took it but there he is.

Hope you are all having a good week or weekend depending on where you are located.  I think of you all often and wish you the very best. 

Sunday, December 24, 2023

Christmas Eve


Merry Christmas!

This photo of a photo is not showing up well but you can see Little Buddy is not very little anymore.  He is very excited Santa comes tonight even though he is suddenly afflicted with a stomach virus.  I would say this is an appropriate  way to end the year.  He has had a rough one with brain shunt revision surgery in September, that is after keeping a close eye on him all summer long waiting for that very old shunt of his to malfunction.  As typical he doesn't present like typical children and likes to keep us all guessing on what is going on in that complex brain and body of his.  We have been to the ER twice now for possible malfunction issues after the surgery, actually the last visit just about two weeks ago when I got a call from the school he was having a seizure.  I am not sure that was what it was but they had to call emergency services all the same.  By the time I got to the school he was sitting up and asking the rescue personnel if they had electric vehicles and how long different battery charges last. While losing a good ten years of my life after receiving that call, I was never so happy to hear him talking non stop about vehicles and facts. 

While this has been a very stressful year, stressful beyond comprehension, I am taking time everyday to be grateful for all the tremendous blessings in my life.  I have so much to be grateful for.  I thank you all for still blogging as I get great comfort reading about your lives, projects, challenges and your humor in the face of it all. Even though I rarely seem to post, you all do mean the world to me.  I hope you have a wonderful holiday, no matter if you are with family or enjoying the peace of special time alone, I wish you the best.  

May this Christmas Season and 2024 be the best for all of us.  

Sending you all a big hug and loads of blessings.

Monday, September 4, 2023

And suddenly it's September..............


Hello everyone!  I hope you are all still out there and are having a wonderful end of summer.  I am still reading your blogs and getting great joy from all of your adventures. Time is limited here so posting continues to be an issue, as well as my energy to get it done.  It is so far down the list of things that need to happen I fear there will not be a regular return anytime soon.

However, here are some updates:  Little Buddy, who is not so little as far as age or attitude started sixth grade.  His school has finally moved to their new facility much closer to my house which is wonderful. He has to attend early drop off three to four days a week so I can get to work, but he is managing the new length of his day without many issues so far.

Of course just as he was getting oriented to the school schedule we had a beast of a hurricane pass by north of us.  He missed two days of school last week, and there is Labor Day today.  We were so fortunate with the storm, I was prepared as far as food, water and batteries and thankfully we did not lose power.  My middle son, his partner and Luna came to stay, not to protect their Mom but because he is a bear to be around when there is no electricity and they lose it quickly where they live.  Little Buddy and I had a sleepover so they could use his bed, it was cozy with all the rain and wind outside and his little body tucked in close to mine, safe and sound.  My oldest son chose to work from my house all week but went back and forth, even early Wednesday morning when the storm was just skimming us while still in the Gulf of Mexico.  He took the bridge from Tampa over to my house, the route west was open but the route going east towards Tampa was closed with high waves and debris all over that portion of the bridge. We are all safe, thank you for all of you who checked up on us.  The poor people several hours north of us had so much storm surge damage it is hard to even comprehend the devastation.

My divorce was final at the end of July.  It has been a rough 2 years, well actually I can add a few more onto that.  I was hoping things would settle down now that we have a judge ordered schedule to follow, but no I was wrong.  I was told by many friends the finality of the divorce really changes nothing when dealing with someone like this, and they were right.  So on we go, taking each day and new issue as it comes.  Counseling helps me understand the complexities of the situation and helps me realize I am not alone in the issues I have had for over 30 years and continue to have.  There is so much help online as well, it really is such a blessing for people going through anything, knowing there are others that have gone through whatever adversity you are going through, they have survived and thrived!  That is my goal and I am making progress everyday.

There has been minor attempts at crocheting a blanket made with the good old Japanese Flower pattern given to me by my dear friend Teresa Kasner, who left us all way too soon.  I think of her often and miss her and her wonderful view on the world  To be honest even though I try to knit or crochet it  makes me feel ill.  This has happened one other time in my life, when I was fighting cancer, I could not play with yarn at all then.  So maybe the highest stress times of my life, when I need it the most, I simply can't muster up the energy or desire to knit or crochet.  I hope my mojo returns soon.

Little Buddy is now 12, he has all the signs of the dreaded puberty, including the ridiculous attitude that comes with it.  He has pimples on that beautiful freckle face of his so we often do a green tea mask to calm it all down.  He loves looking like a zombie. His behavior towards me has made a significant turn for the worse.  It is hard to be the parent who has rules.  However, we have help with his behavior therapists, a counselor and his neurologist for medication.  We take his behavioral issues minute by minute because things can change in a flash. He is a work in progress as we all are.

Hank and Bear just got groomed yesterday.  The put silly ties on them, those poor boys look like they had a very rough day at the office.

With so much going on in the world and personally with so many, I make a conscious effort to give thanks for all the wonderful things in my life everyday, and there are many.  I can't even tell you what a relief it is to come home to my own home and find peace, no walking on eggshells, no wondering what or who will meet me when I walk in the door.  Peace is a beautiful thing. Hoping you are all finding some moments of peace in your lives my friends. 

Tuesday, May 16, 2023

Hello after many, many months............



Just popping into say we are still alive here in very hot Florida.  It has been a rough few months with the never ending divorce, custody issues, financial disagreements, well they say divorce is not for the faint of heart and it isn't.  I'm truly exhausted with all the neverending mess, so I visit each of you but can't get the energy to write.  You sort of all keep me sane, knowing what you are all up to in your very busy lives.  And I thank each and everyone of you who have checked in, thank you for caring enough to see how we are doing.

There is some good news, Mr 26, as of last Monday, graduated law school this past weekend.  He has not always had the easiest of times, actually he spent a year and a half at home during high school.  He has made such an amazing recovery and is now a law school graduate, something I never ever dreamed for him when he was in 9th and 10th grade.  He has overcome so much and with the constant love of his life by his side I think he can do anything.  As his partner and I sat next to each other crying I thanked her from the bottom of my heart because he would not be where he is today without her.  He has the Bar Exam in July and starts his job as an Assistant District Attorney for the county we live in in August.  I am so proud I could burst.

Little Buddy is not so little anymore.  He has major signs of puberty happening (check out the fluff above his mouth) and that includes his attitude with lots of arguments telling me I am not the boss, I can't speak to him that way, and of course the just blatant not listening when requested to get off some sort of screen device.  He is finally used to his new teacher and new school, just in time for school to be over.  They are moving to an new facility next year, much closer to my home so there will be another huge adjustment in his life we have to deal with on top of the custody adjustments that will be taking place sometime in the future.  I am preparing myself for an even bumpier ride because there are not many rules in one home, and many rules in mine, which makes my job a lot harder.

So thank you for visiting, I still plan on blogging when I can get myself together. Thank you for caring and have a wonderful week.

Saturday, December 31, 2022

New Year's Eve, goodbye to 2022

I am pretty ready for this year to be over as you very well know.  It has by far been the toughest year of my life, and that includes the year I fought cancer with a 7 year old and 3 year old to look after, the year my son fought depression and anxiety that was so bad I feared for his life and took him to work with me, and the years of taking care of my parents and watching my mother decline a little at a time.  Among all the pain, anger, fear, anxiety and sadness this year there has been light.  An awakening if you can so imagine, time to gather myself and find some peace in my own beautiful home.  Time to realize just how much I was made to feel small, non existent and certainly not an equal partner.  I am finding myself, very slowly, and frankly that young girl with so much hope and love in her is long gone, but another version of her is out there and I am finding her one step at a time. 

Christmas has been packed away and everything is clean and fresh for the New Year.  My wonderful friend Lynda gave me a huge bin of vintage Christmas ornaments for my tree.  Many of them were hers gathered over the years or belonging to her MIL, or from a friend that got tired of her vintage tree and wanted something more modern.  Lynda has kept these for years, not knowing why she was hanging onto them and now we know, it was for me.  I only used a few of these precious ornaments and a few from my boys and that was it.  A newish tree for me this year that added some fun and a new tradition. I also treated myself to a new Christmas tree skirt because who could possible resist this one with Santa on it?

The bush you see losing all its leaves is one of several off my back porch.  It was cold here over Christmas, not cold by everyone else's standards but cold for here.  Apparently a bit too cold for these bushes.  I think this bush sort of sums up my year, it looks ragged and like it is losing its life force, but it really isn't, it will bloom again this spring when it is warmer out.  A little care and it will be on the way to a full recovery, hopefully just like me.

I am making a list of everything that has been bad or stressed me out this year and a list of all the things that I am grateful for.  Tonight I will be burning the first list and watching all that negative energy burn up and go away. Then after reading my gratitude list I will do the same, letting all of my love, hope and gratitude return to the Universe with prayers of being thankful for all that I have in my life.  This might become my new New Year's Eve tradition.  I am thankful for so much and my gratitude list is much longer than my other list, see I am moving forward as positively as I can.  While I have had to let go of so many people in my life, those who have not been there for me for many different reasons, I rejoice in those that have.  And that includes my family, look at how happy Little Buddy was on Christmas.  He asked Santa for the driving system his big brother has and then after we left he got very upset thinking he should have asked for the gear shift instead.  Luckily Santa brought the steering wheel and pedals, Mom bought the mounting station and big brothers and their partners chipped in for the gear shift.  He could not be more thrilled. Anything he can do independently just like other kids his age is a big bonus, plus he has to use his right hand and foot with this system, he is more involved on this side so this is therapeutic as well.  I am his therapist afterall, it all has to help him move towards more independence or functional ability, or social advancement.

Also big on my gratitude list is the friends who have been there for me every step of the way, through anger, frustration and laughing disbelief at how ridiculous some things have been.  Some friends have drifted away, as hard as that is for me to understand as I have helped them through very similar situations, it just is.  Frankly all of it, just is.  You are all on my gratitude list just so you know.  Cheering me on, loving Little Buddy from afar and cheering him on as well, well it means the world to me.  

Last year I picked the phrase, moving forward with grace, to represent my year.  While sometimes there has been no grace to be found I think I am starting to move in that direction. I will need it as we move towards depositions and mediation starting in January. I will continue to try to move forward with grace instead of anger and fear as much as possible. 

I am so thankful for all of you.  I wish you a safe and wonderful New Year's Eve, as we ring in 2023, know that I am sending you love and gratitude for being here in this space with me.

Saturday, December 24, 2022

Merry Christmas


Suddenly it is Christmas and I seemed to have missed two whole months here on this blog.  This picture is horrible, a picture of a picture but you get the idea. One little boy I know is very excited about a visit from Santa.  There is something wonderful about believing in all things magic at this time of year.  I feel he will be very pleased, even if our Christmas is very different from years past.

Things have been exceptionally difficult these past few months.  Navigating a divorce, and a not very friendly one at that, is hard while working and taking care of my special boy.  His school continues to not be helpful as far as challenging him intellectually, and now just as I suspected, he is falling behind.  So this Christmas break we will be working on writing and math, reading comprehension and test taking.  All to even keep him remotely close to what his neurotypical peers are learning. I certainly wish I had not followed the advice of so many and put him in this school for children who learn differently.  It really was a combination of a new principal/administration and a new teacher that does not have the ability to understand Little Buddy that has created this mess.  We need to finish the year and move forward, whatever that might look like in the future.

Still with all that is going on I am blessed to have wonderful support. And I want to thank you all for sticking with me here in this space. Your emails and kind thoughts have warmed my heart more than you will ever know.  Checking on us here when I am not posting just means the world to me.  It is so lovely not to be forgotten.  

I wish you all the very best Holiday.  Stay warm and safe, love those you can up close and send love to those far away.  I am sending you all a very big hug filled with love and gratitude for being so wonderful.