I'm not sure where to start after all these months so I am just going to jump in here. I have never been someone who has a way with words, far from it I admit. I work with my hands reforming crooked cranial bones and spines, I work on babies development and bigger kids with their fine motor and calming skills, words don't come into play unless I am writing reports. So hang in there with me if you can.
First off a very special thank you for those who have been concerned about Little Buddy and me, your well wishes, check-ins and love have been felt from afar. You all mean the world to me and during this difficult time just knowing I could visit all of you has helped me so much.
Much has changed in the last year. My husband and I are going through a divorce, well we will be soon. After 30 years of marriage I have had enough of all the things that I have worked thorough for years to keep my family together. I won't go into all the details because who really wants to hear all that stuff. Just know that for 30 years I have tried hard to keep this family together at great, great cost to myself and I finally reached the point in August that I had had enough. There was a red line that was crossed that I just could not make myself work through yet again. As my sister Claudia said after I called her once again in tears, " Haven't you finally had enough?" There was a big swear word in there too but I won't include it here in this post. Yes, my sister I have.
I tried hard to make it at least one more year to get my middle son through law school but at least I made it until he got through his finals for the first semester of this school year. I tried to make it until Little Buddy was just a bit older, but he can't live with all the stress and negative energy, he already has so much to deal with. I tried to make it a tad longer for my older son, so he would not feel responsible for me or for Little Buddy, but I didn't. And I can tell you the law school bubble has helped my middle boy deal with this all in a manner he can handle, submerging yourself in school is a sure way not to get too involved. My oldest has taken on a sense of authority, he has my back and even more importantly he has his brothers. He is an adult, as he reminds me and he will take on any responsibility he wants, I no longer have a say in that. He has been my rock, along with my sister and dear friends, even though I try very hard to not let my kids get in the middle on anything.
I have stunned neighbors and friends, I just told a few people I work with and have worked with for years. Everyone sees the side of my husband he wants them to see, the funny charismatic, successful guy he wants them to see. He is not a bad man, he is just a very difficult husband and even though I have been reminded over and over this is tearing apart a family, I know it is best. Because keeping a family together for so long comes at great cost, mentally, physically and emotionally. And as I have wondered for years, when is it my time to find peace? I think the answer is now, or soon anyway.
Little Buddy and I moved to a new home three weeks ago today. It is beautiful, the perfect size and place for us, and Hank and Bear. It is a tough market to buy in, and I paid way, way more than I should have. But I paid for a safe neighborhood, a safe place for us to lay down new roots and a place for my family to be happy in. And really it is so hard to get a home, we were so, so fortunate to find this one. I feel blessed it was available and that I beat out the other 16 cash offers on this new place. It has 3 bedroom's and 2 baths, it has a two car garage which is essential if you want to get a special needs little boy in and out of the car in a rain storm. It has a back yard that is fenced in with no one behind me but a lake I can't see, trees and a rehabilitation center off the the left that I can't really see either. It has an office space in the master bedroom for me and loads of my yarn. It has an extra bedroom area where my oldest can work from two days a week. And most of all it is closer to where we hope Little Buddy will go to his special learning school when they move north in a year.
I have posted these photos, in no particular order as I really wanted you to see where we are and know we are going to be just fine. I left a 6 bedroom house with 5 bathrooms, an outdoor kitchen and fireplace and a pool and pool deck that needed constant cleaning. I had no idea that you could clean an entire house in under an hour, or that it would be fun to cut your own grass. My life is about to get a lot easier.
There is still much to be worked out as far as days Dad has Little Buddy, when he is with me, but we will get there. Most important to me is making sure my children adapt to all of this as smoothly as possible, it is my main priority every single day.
Little Buddy has been accepted to his new school. He has a scholarship that I won't know the amount of until July. I had to withdrawal him from the school he has been at his whole life today, that was very emotional but they promised me they would try to get him back in if the scholarship money isn't enough for his new school. We are no longer living in the zoned area for that school. They have loved my little boy a long time even though he can be difficult at times. In the middle of all this I had to apply to get him into his new school, apply for a scholarship while my computer was broken, apply for special therapy services to help him with transitions and mild behavioral issues, all of which I could not have done without the constant support of my dear friend Holly.
I had so much support from my friends and my wonderful sister. They all listened to lots of ranting and raving phone calls, some just crying with little words. They have all been there for me and I have been very, very blessed. I have a sister who will come down anytime I need her and lets me talk as long as I need to. Holly, who will drop everything to load documents into her computer and fill out applications for me, and help me process all that is going on. My friend Cathy who checks on me morning and evenings to make sure I am okay and came over to move very heavy oak furniture to the perfect place after the movers left, even though she has painful hands and wrists. She brought over her daughter and son in law the day after my move to get Little Buddy's room ready as soon as his floors were done. They put together his bed, fixed my closet doors and hung bigger pictures on the wall for me. My friend Georgette has a wonderful man in her life who owns a construction company and popped right in to fix Little Buddy's sagging ceiling, put wood flooring in the smaller bedrooms and replace my roof. And my dear friend Lynda, gathered boxes for months, kept her brand new pots and pans she could not use in her new house just in case I needed them and kept Little Buddy overnight the day I moved so I could get loads done before he saw his new house. I am blessed.
So we are onto new adventures now. I call this the, "Adventure House" and that is how I am trying to think of it all. An adventure that eventually will provide me with the peace I have been sorely missing for years and years.
I know that with all that is going on in the world, war in the Ukraine, horrible horrible shooting's killing people because of the color of their skin, their ethnic background, or dear beautiful children in a school, I know that my news is not all that important. But you are all my friends and I needed to finally let you know what we are going through and how we are. I know many of you have been dealing with so much and I have prayed and sent love to all of you. I appreciate your friendship and loving thoughts so much.
My boys, including the ones with fur will all be fine, I will be fine although much the poorer because of this house, but we will all be okay. We will find peace eventually and I will finally be able to take a few deep breaths and relax, if I can ever even figure out how to do that. I remember each night that my boys are safe and that my 10 year old did not get killed or injured at his school this year, there is so much to be grateful for.
It might take me a while to get fully back to blogging, but know I am reading all about your lives and sending you love. Thank you for being there for me and my very special little boy who got, "sporty" glasses today. You are all so wonderful and mean the world to me.
So very lovely to hear from you. You are incredibly brave and I wish you and yours wonderful times and a new home filled with love in this your new adventure. Very best wishes, Alison, UK
Holy cow! This is much more than I imagined over the last months! I'm glad you have found a new home and have the support and love of family and friends around you. Your house looks lovely. Sending you a hug, best wishes for Buddy in his new school and peace for you.
Polly in Massachusetts
You say you are not good with words...but wow, you have blown me away with your raw honesty. Such a difficult time that you seem to have negotiated with grace.
All the best to you all.
I think a "new adventure" is a wonderful way to look at what is always going to be a painful situation. Ripping off a bandaid always hurts, but it's essential for the healing and well-being that will follow.
I know too many people who've tried to "keep it together for the sake of the family" and all that does is create more trauma down the line.
I don't know you very well, but what I see is a strong woman who wants everyone to have the best life they can. And that everyone should also include you.
Wishing you all the best as you move forward.
Ah dear Meredith. I love you and your sweet spirit so much. You know I've been thinking of you and praying for you constantly over the past year. I think your new home is beautiful and will be a haven for you and your family.
Blessings, love and lots of hugs,
Meredith, thanks for updating us online about your life. Sad to read what you've vern through but I'm thankful friends have helped you. I like the rooms you showed and hopefully Lil Buddy will feel good and happy at new school. Prayers and hugs,
Dear dear Mere. Believe me when I say you have been on my mind! I am so very happy that you have come back to us. I greatly missed you and Little Buddy🙂. Whatever gave you the idea that you do not have a "way with words" Far from it I'd say! I need to go back in and read this again and glean the in between lines bits too. There's also lots to admire about your lovely new "Adventure House". Take care my dear blog friend. Hugs. Amanda x
Love and peace and
All the best!
Your new house looks lovely, wishing you all the best for the future,
Meredith, Good to hear from you. I've wondered how you all are doing. While I'm sorry that you have had such tremendous decisions to make, I'm glad you are moving forward. To new adventures! Hugs and love,
I can relate. In 2000 I had enough and packed up and bought a condo. The Mister was going through some midlife crisis stuff that I didn't want to be a part of anymore. I'd still be in the condo if my mother hadn't been diagnosed with terminal leukemia in 2002. I was too far away in the condo to be of help and The Mister wasn't so I returned home reluctantly. We will never be the same couple and there are times I regret my decision to have come back but at least together we were able to retire early and be a united front in the care of our now deceased parents who one after the other took up all our time and attention. Now that it is just the two of us again we are too darn old for all that ancient bad stuff to matter. Life is certainly a roller coaster of ups and downs and I admire your courage for jumping off when you hit bottom. On bad days I think about how nice it was to have my own place in the world where I didn't have use up so much energy always being a part of a "we". I wish you all the best in your new life with your beautiful boys.
Hello Meredith, although I haven't been in touch for years I still read your blog and have kept up with your news and in fact just a couple of days ago I contemplated trying to get in touch with your sister next week via her blog to see how you were because I was concerned that you hadn't posted for a while, so I am glad to hear from you and that you are as Ok as you can be with what you have going on in your life. I hope that all will be well for you and (now not so little!) Buddy. It sounds as though you have handled some difficult decisions very well and I wish you all of the very best going forward and to continuing to read - if you don't mind! - how you are getting on in your new exciting adventure life.
Take care of yourself as you carry on, all best wishes and much love Amy, ex of love made my home xx
Thank you for giving us an update. Like many others I have been thinking of you and praying for you and Little Buddy. Remember to breathe and try to take five minutes for yourself when you can. Blessings to you.
Lovely Meredith, I am sorry you've been through such a tough time and that things have been so unpleasant and so hard. Your new home is fantastic, and I hope that you and Little B will be very happy there. I am all for downsizing and making life simpler anyway, so that is no bad thing really I think. I know it will be a period of adjustment, but being free of a difficult presence in your everyday life will be such a good thing for you. You deserve to be happy my friend. Sending love and all the hugs. CJ xx
I am sending you love. More courage you do not need. Yours has taken my breath away. XO
Your new home is lovely and looks like the perfect place for you to take a deep breath and feel better.
I divorced after 33 years of marriage and have never regretted it.
Wishing you peace and calm and happiness.
I have been checking in on your blog and was a little worried about you. I’m glad that you were able to start building a better new life. Onwards and upwards. Rue
I am so glad you have given us an update. I was worried for you and your boys. I did not know the stress you were living. Here is to new adventures in your adventure home.
Good to hear from you. I’ve missed you. I’ve checked on your blog daily and thought of you so much. I had a feeling that this was the problem. I’ve thought so much about your phrase of moving forward with grace and how I wish I would have lived by this. My hat is off to you. You can do this.
I'm new to Claudia's blog but I saw this and wanted to wish you well.
I had to completely start over for a totally different reason than you ,but it's sometimes fun to make our own decisions and take life on our terms.Good luck and God bless.
So good to hear from you again.I knew something was wrong.Good luck in your new venture.You have made a brave decision but the right one.
I am sure you and Buddy will be so happy in your new place.
Please keep us posted.
WE Have missed you.
Lots of love
So so good to hear from you and let me say one thing: your problems ARE important. If we aren't happy and sending light and love out in the world, the world is poorer for it. I'm so happy you have found a place for you and your boys where it looks like you will all thrive. I know there will be ups and downs but I'm so proud you took hard steps to make the world better for all.
Well done Meredith it takes a lot of courage to do what you have done, I have been there and can relate, you have done the right thing for your well being and for your sanity, life is too short my friend you deserve some peace of mind and happiness. I love your new home and I'm sure you and your lovely boys will be happy there. It was so lovely to see little Buddies sweet little face I have have missed your posts, he's looking do grown up. I know you're busy but try to post a few words now and then so that we know that you are all ok. Sending you a big hug. 💕 Xx
I was going to write how sorry I was, but I can't really say that when I know you will be happier in your new life. I send all the good wishes that the internet can hold.
I send virtual hugs to you and Little Buddy (who face it, is not all that LITTLE anymore).
It sounds like you have a very good support system. YOU GOT THIS as they say and we're all there for you.
Big, big hugs and good wishes for your great new adventure.
More than once, Mere, I thought to check in with Claudia about if you were OK. But I decided not to -- not her place to share if you weren't and besides, life happens and we don't blog. But I see a good deal of life has happened. And, with those happenings, many changes. You share your story here with grace, elegance and dignity and it takes a good deal of both courage and confidence to be able to do that. I love that you said of your husband, that he is not a bad man, just a very difficult husband. And that is reason enough to reclaim yourself for your family. I am glad you have found a place where you can lay down roots and feel safe. It's a beautiful place and I see lots of room for yarn! It sounds as though you have been able to wrap yourself in the blanket of the love of your friends, who sound wonderful.
In my recent post, "Why Wait?" I quoted a friend's poem. I share it with you -- just part of Dick Hill's wisdom.
"Today is here with all its ugly. See it. Stand against it.
Today is here with all its beauty...
like the billions of scintillating sparkles
after that perfect type of snowfall,
you know the kind,
every sparkle a person to be embraced, a pet, a flower, a taste, a color.
See it, rejoice a million times.
Today is here.
Time to clean my brushes and see what I might accomplish.
Today is here.
Your day is here and you will soar.
I am so happy to see you back. Although I don't blog, I have read yours' for years. Sorry that you have had so much pain in your life, but wish you and the boys the best life has to offer.
Blessed be Meredith
Dearest Meredith looks like it's working so well without the heavy burden of an unhappy marriage weighing you down. Your new home is perfect and you've firmly put your stylish and homely stamp on it. Onwards and upwards. Happier times ahead. You deserve every one of them.xxx
My dear Meredith, I’m sorry that you’ve had such a difficult time but I wish you and your boys all the luck in the world for a brighter, better future. Xx
I have been watching to see if you had posted again, and had been wondering how you were.
I wanted to reply and say how much I admired your courage. I think like many of the people that have commented, I can hear your raw pain. However bad a marriage is, it takes a lot of strength to end it and move forward.
Your adventure house looks wonderful, and I’m sure it will be a happy and nurturing place for all your sons and your furry companions.
You have such a good support network of friends and family. I wish you every happiness in the future.
Good wishes as you step forward into your new life.
Dear Meredith, I am so glad that you found the courage to do what you needed to do for your happiness, and that of your little one. Your new home looks cosy and perfect, it will be a happy home for you all. I was so pleased to see your post, I missed you. Hugs to you xx
I have read your blog for years...I am a fellow knitter. I don't think I have ever commented before. I had been concerned about you and could tell you were dealing with something. I just wanted to tell you how strong I think you are and I wish you and your boys peace and healing with this new beginning.
Oh, Meredith, I am so very sorry for all you have been through. For some reason, I suspected that there might be a divorce. I follow Claudia’s blog and wanted to email her to check on you but felt it was not my place to do so. As others have written, you and Little Buddy have been in my thoughts.
Take a deep breath. It sounds as if you have wonderful friends and a loving sister who will help you go forward on this new adventure and many, many readers who will keep you and your boys in their prayers.
What you decided and then sharing it with us readers is very brave. Not to get personal, but for some time I noticed that all the hard work of maintaining that huge house & pool seemed to fall on you, without much help from the husband. This may be strange advice, but hold on to some of your anger--it will help you cope as you navigate the next few months. We're all rooting for you!
I have just read your post. and you said you can't write.
well you Can. I've also read every comment. and you are LOVED!
add my own to that and enjoy your New Life in the wonderful Adventure House. you're just the Best! and to accomplish this turn in your life with your usual Grace is impressive and amazing. maybe now you'll have relief from the awful migraines. bless you dear child. be Kind to yourself! sending you great love through the ether! (and the Adventure House is Beautiful!!!) xoxo
So pleased you and little Buddy are ok. Enjoy making new memories in your “adventure house” x
First off, I am so sorry for the pain and stress this situation has brought you! The new house is beautiful and I hope will soon be a sancuary for you all. Prayers for your healing and for all of your dear friends on the ground who support you. Thank you for sharing your heart; sending a hug.
Dear Meredith, I'm so sorry your marriage has ended. Only you know the pain that you've endured. As others have said, I missed you in blogland. I'm taking a break from instagram (maybe never again), I value friendships here. Thank you for sharing your story and photos of your new home beginnings. I hope and pray that you and ALL your boys (adults & fur kids) find peace, love and contentment in your next phase of life together. Sending all my love Cathy x
It's so good to hear from you, Meredith. So many changes and such a great new beginning for you! Sending you heaps of love and good wishes and blessings in your new adventure <3 You are rocking this! xo
Oh, Meredith...I knew something was wrong by some of your last posts and then not hearing from you for awhile. To be honest, I have always wondered why you rarely mention your husband, but I just assumed it was for privacy reasons. I am so sorry that your marriage has not been a good one and that you'll be going through a divorce. I give you a lot of credit for being so strong and saying you've finally had enough and that you got out. I can only imagine how mentally and physically exhausting this all has been. But, good for you for looking after #1 - yourself! There are many women who would stay in a loveless, dysfunctional marriage and not take care of themselves. Your new place looks lovely and perfect for you and Little Buddy and your fur babies. Much love to you. God bless.
Needless to say, I had no idea so much was going on with you. But it seems to me that you have done the right thing for yourself and your family.
Your new house looks cozy - I wish you happy and fun times there!
Take care, and good luck with the divorce.
Just catching up and hoping your new home continues to be a place of love, hope and peace. I am doing similar with my own mum and she is doing just great, I hope the same for you and your new adventures. Jo xxx
Best wishes and a huge hug
Cuando he leido divorcio,he sentido mucha pena,os veia un matrimonio perfecto,pero ya sabemos q la perfeccion no existe.He leido con esfuerzo porque soy española y tengo q traducir (tampoco es algo q me quite la vida) despues de leer me quedo mas tranquila porque te veo aliviada,vales muchisimo y trabajas en exceso, asi q solo mira para ser feliz para ti,que bastante miras por todo lo demas.Te sigo desde hace mucho tiempo y te admiro,recibe toda la energia q te mereces de mi parte! Soy Ana Soto Acosta, vivo en sevilla, España y tengo 67 años,aunque no me siento tan mayor! jajajajaja! besos para ti y tu pequeño!
Hi Meredith. It’s me. Tammy, tsdailytreasures. From my phone. In the states. Flying back to kuwait tomorrow. Don’t have my laptop with me and never remember log-ins for anything. Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Sent a package a couple of weeks ago that I hope you got. Obviously had no idea you had moved, but also kinda thought something like this may have been why you were not around as much. Sending you lots of hugs and blessings. More when I’m reunited with my laptop. Take care.
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