Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Kindness and holding steady


"No act of kindness
 no matter how small, 
is ever wasted." 
                               Aesop

Thank you all for your kindness.  Thank you all for your words of wisdom, your loving thoughts and prayers.  We are holding steady right now.  My Mom has been discharged back to the nursing home.  My Dad said she faintly said, "I love you," today, that is progress.  But while she is stable and breathing better, she is contracting at the elbows, wrists and hands.  She is dependent in every area of her life, needing assistance to even move.  It is a sad way to live.  My mom who was vibrant and happy, is now trapped in a body that has been turning on her.  I feel most of the time she is in a different place, and for that I am grateful, as this place, with her body this way, is so sad.  I do not want her to be aware of her situation, it is too miserable.

My MIL is now on medication that will help her to breathe easier but will quicken her departure from this earth.  She needs to be comfortable and we can not keep her here to please ourselves.  Another tough situation, but after her miraculous life, she needs to pass away with ease, dignity, and with respect.  Isn't that what we all hope for?

During this crazy time, there are times of laughter and times of work, There are times of messy diapers, smiles and sadness.  There is laundry to do, food to prepare, a house to clean and kisses and hugs to pass around. There is worry, but that really serves no purpose.  The worry is more because these difficult times are persisting, not because of the actual events taking place.  Does that make sense at all?  I worry that it is going to keep going on at this slow and painful rate.  


So today I went for a walk in my overgrown garden and saw a surprise.  Out of the weeds and dead plants, a surprise snapdragon, beautiful and yellow, standing on its own.  I am hiring someone to clear the garden of last years growth and all the weeds.  I do not have the time or energy.  This will be the first time this has happened.  I am also hiring someone to occasionally help me clean, there is no time for that anymore, the everyday stuff yes, the deep down stuff like blinds, ceiling fans and baseboards are not happening on my watch anymore.  At least not until things settle down, with work and our parents.  Little Buddy keeps me busy on my days off with all of his therapy appointments, he is more important at this time then all of that other stuff.

Giggles, giggles and more giggles are occurring because Mr. 20 year old is home and the wrestling, cuddling, and playing are at an all time high.  Nothing makes you prouder than to see your 20 year old son loving a new little one with special needs.  The feeling is very mutual, Little Buddy adores  him, too.  They are very cute together.  My Teenager is quieter, his attention to Little Buddy is quiet and steady, but having Mr. 20 year old home is like going on wild ride at the amusement park, fun, fun, fun.

Hope you are all having a good week and I thank you again for all of your kindness.  Each and everyone of you have touched my heart.


41 comments:

Joy said...

That is such a beautiful pic of your boys together Meredith - sheer happiness - and it's specially lovely at this time that you can enjoy such as this!
I am sad that so much difficulty has hit you and your loving family and hope and pray that respect and dignity will prevail, bringing relief and closure to these miserable circumstances.
Wishing you and yours the very best, as always!
Keep smiling sweet lady,
Warm hugs, Joy xo

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry for everything your family is going through right now but I am so glad you're able to see the bright spots too. Take care, Meredith.

Sharron said...

I don't have many words to express my sadness for you all Meredith. Just know this, I'm thinking of you x

kathy b said...

Baseboards. Pheoy. Dusting. Phoey.
Time: precious, fleeting…

Prayers abound for your family Meredith.
Love the big brother/little brother shot

Amy at love made my home said...

Still here, still thinking, still caring, still hoping and praying. xx

Gracie Saylor said...

Meredith, I am just back from a Retreat weekend and was saddened to read what you and yours are experiencing. I typed a comment on your last post but am continuing here...loving the photo of your Little Buddy and Mr. 20 year old :) I too have gone through clumps of crisis times in my family...meeting immediate needs, sorting through feelings and practical details as able. I am glad you are hiring help and encourage you to ask for help as well from your local friends. I wish I had done that more. Often times those around you are not certain how to help, but very much want to. Even though I am 3000 miles away I know I want to. At least know that you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers with Love xx

mynestofyarnandbuttons said...

Meredith you are amazing. You are handling all of this with such grace and poise. Bless you and your family through this difficult time, and thank goodness for all the joy in your life at the same time.
Thinking of you, xoRobin

Pradeepa said...

It's really not fair that so much should happen at the same time, but in spite of all this it is heartening to know that you can find joy and happiness in little things in your life. Take care!

Pooch said...

What a blessing for LB and Mr.20 to have each other and for you to have them. It's the mystery of life as it fades in loved ones and blooms in others. So like your lovely flower garden. So good that you are taking practical steps to maintain your home. Does LB go to day care during your working hours? As if there are any non-working hours for you! Take good care of yourself. Everyone endures the sad, sad times. You seem to have great strength fueled by great love.
:)

Taciana Simmons said...

So precious to have your son and little buddy to make your life a little lighter even if it's just for a few minutes everyday. Life can be heavy at times and I just want you to know my dear friend my heart is right there ... Close to yours. I wish I could be closer to you but my heart for sure is. I'm here prying and hoping you will have the strength you need to get through this very difficult moment. Loves and prayers are sent your way my dear friend.

Betsy said...

As all of these lovely ladies have said, you are handling this with such grace and poise, it almost seems as if you are comforting us with your words. My heart breaks for you and your family. I lost my Mom when I was only 29 and my life has never been the same. You are watching yours slip away. So much sadness in this life, but then, the brightness. The shining lights and what it's really all about. Your boys and their love for each other. And that's the legacy that is passed down. The love you have for your Moms and each other. The boys all see that. And you are doing the very best that you can. I know that dear Meredith. My prayers are with you every day.
Blessings,
Betsy

CJ said...

What a lovely picture of your sweet boys together. I'm glad they're having so much fun. I'm sorry things are so hard right now. In a few years you will look back at this time from a more settled place and you'll be stronger and wiser for what you have been through. In the meantime, all you can do is keep going as you are, it seems that you are doing exactly the right things. You have prioritised your littlest boy, as you should, and I am so glad you have some help with the garden and the cleaning. My partner's mother had a stroke in November, and she too is unable to do anything for herself now, so I completely understand what you say about being trapped in a body that doesn't work any more. So hard. You are in my thoughts Meredith, CJ xx

Stins said...

Dear Meredith, i am so sorry to hear that your family are having such a hard time....
It is so much at the same time, isn't it?
To see your boys together like that must be hartwarming
though....
Wishing you lots of strenght and love, Mirjam.

Faith said...

Bless you, you have a full plate, so glad that Mr 20 yr old is there to give you some smiles in among everything that is going on. And your little buddy, I bet is like a shining star in the gloom. Take care.x

steph said...

life's 'passages' are so difficult...something we all face eventually. so glad your 'boys' are there to bring some lighter moments and smiles.

Old Magnolia Tree said...

Keep strong is all you can do for your family and it really sounds like you are. I will keep you in my prayers.
Rosie xx

Stitchy Mc Floss said...

Mere, you have such a loving family, I know you will help each other through these difficult times...and you know I am always here for you as well.

So much love in that last photo! :)

((hugs))

Rose Red said...

Such a great photo of your boys! So good to be able to keep smiling despite the sadness.
I do hope your mum and MIL have a dignified and painless departure, when it comes. I understand what ou mean, about the worry, I had that too, with my dad. It's not an easy time, I am glad you are getting some help around the house, those things are so unimportant in the face of family needs. Do take care of yourself too.

Emma Pearce said...

I am so sorry for your Mums, they are both going through it but it sounds like they are completely and utterly surrounded by love and support, it is beautiful to see such wonderful family feelings that leap out from the glimpse of a few blog posts. I don't blame you for getting some help in, you definitely need it and deserve it, you work so hard and concentrating on the most important things beats cleaning any day as you said.
What a gorgeous photo of your boys. I love it.
Thank you for your comment on my post, it means so much to me, especially when I am moaning away. I know you are going through so much yourself so it means so mucn more xxx

Linda Gilbert said...

Meredith. My gentlest thoughts are with you every step of your journey. May you continue along its path as well as you can. Thank goodness there are such contrasts just now. Life for living,loving and laughter as well as memories with tears. Love to you and your sx

Kris said...

Oh sweet Mere, I feel like I have failed you as a friend! I have not been on the computer much. I missed your post about both your Mom and your MIL. What an awful time. As you said, first the sudden loss of your BIL, and now this. I am so sorry. I understand all too well, how you feel. Not wanting to see your Mom suffer, and live in a body that is failing her. And your very vibrant MIL, so suddenly, losing her will to live. It is shocking, and hard to imagine, but unfortunately, a hard part of life. I hope that with your sons both home, this will help to ease the burden of your heart. Your little guy is adorable, and I am sure adjusting just beautifully!
I wish I could be there to give you a hug.
Love,
Kris

Babajeza said...

So good you hve hired someone to help you! :-) It's nice to see the happy part of your family and read about the sad. This is life. Hugs to you. Regula

Mindy said...

What a beautiful picture of your boys to remind us all that JOY is not dependent upon circumstances! Praying for you all still.

Bridget said...

The picture says it all. Enjoy what you can, while you can.

linda said...

The sad times will pass Meredith, I know they seem to drag on forever but they will and their passing will bring peace of mind and a certain comfort in the knowledge that you did the best that you could in a very difficult situation, you are doing so well coping the way that you are and yes get all the help you can you have more than enough to cope with. Your two boys look great together what a sweet happy picture. :)

Cari said...

Words cannot express how much I love you and your sweet family. Hugs dear friend…you are so blessed and loved.

Cari

Linda Powell said...

Such a glorious picture of your two bys together, a picture to cherish. Hang on in there with everything else, you're all doing well :-)

Clare said...

Sorry things are so tough for you all, such a lovely pic of you're boys
keeping you in my thoughts
Clare xx

cockney blonde said...

Sorry that things are still hard for you but happy that both Mum's appear to be more comfortable. My Mum too has been locked in a world of dependancy for over 10 years. Fortunately she too is mentally in another place.
Absolutely loving the interaction your boys have with little buddy. My younger lad, 28, has learning difficulties and I see the opposite with the way my grand-daughter interacts with him. He is the one she goes to for 'fun', rough and tumbles etc.
Stay strong, x

Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams said...

Meredith, I'm so sorry, it all seems to hit at once, the good the bad...

Good for you for reaching out for help, if it gives you more time to spend with those you love, then it's so worth it. You simply can't do it all, and no one expects you to.

Sending you a huge virtual hug, know that I am thinking of you.

Jen

elns said...

My heart really goes out to you and yours. I am just so inspired by your ability to look at things as they are and focus on the positive. I'm glad you have your boys laughter and the colors of your garden. All the best.

A. Luna said...

What a lovely couple...you can tell they were having so much fun.Nice pictures....thanks for visiting...and me...just keeping up the knitting lessons with youtube free tutorials...thanks to all of those dedicated to help everyone else with these helpful lessons.
Happy week!

Luna

kristieinbc said...

You are so wise to get some help with the cleaning and the yard work. Watching our parents age is so very difficult. On the one hand you have this new little guy in your lives, bringing you so much joy, and on the other the pain of watching the elderly people in your family decline. Try to hang onto the joy that is oozing out of that picture of your older son with Little Buddy. Hugs to you!

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

Yes, the lingering is difficult. But you are strong and taking it in stride as best you can. This is a time of coming to terms and acceptance. Much easier than having someone taken suddenly and without warning. My mother-in-law died of cancer; a slow progression but one that we had time to process. My father-in-law died suddenly due to congestive heart failure. It was so strange. It happened so fast that it took a while to sink in. I felt for the longest time that he had gone on a trip and just hadn't returned yet. Mr. 20 year old is very handsome. I am glad he is home and is able to spend quality time with little buddy. Hugs and blessings, Tammy

Ana BC said...

So glad to hear that there has been some progress, Meredith. We will still be praying for all of you... when you see a rainbow, remeber there is light after the storm
♥ Ana BC

Susanne said...

Worry is like being in a rocking chair.....you can rock all day and in the end you haven't gotten anywhere. We are human we all worry. Letting go of that and trusting God is the best advice I can give you and yet at times I struggle with that myself. I am so glad your son is home to liven things up for a a bit, even if it gives you a few moments to forget troubles and just have a good laugh. I am like you, I need some help with all the outside work and have been fretting over it. Should I hire someone to lend a hand or just muddle through? I keep pondering about all this. Maybe I will come to some sort of conclusion and the right decision.
(((HUGS))) Susanne :)

Lynne said...

Oh Meredith, I often think about your family and what is happening and I send prayers your way. It's good you're getting some help around the house, it will relieve some of the stress. Take care

Teresa Kasner said...

Hello my friend.. I'm proud of you for dealing with all you have on your plate with grace and class. I'm so glad you are getting help for your garden and home that you need.. you simply cannot do it all. What a heartening photo of the two boys playing. I'm here for you if you need me. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

Paula said...

Seeing your boys like that can lift your heart at a difficult time - what a blessing our children can be! Prayers for your family for strength and peace!

Hannapat said...

Such a gorgeous photo of your two boys together and how very special for you to see and experience this. I think sometimes life can become a little overwhelming and yes we worry, but that's not necessarily bad. I hope you find some calm and I can't believe you have a little snapdragon out already, I am waiting patiently for mine to come, they are one of my childhood faves! Enjoy your weekend xoxo

RedSetter said...

What a seriously lucky little boy Little Buddy is and what a wonderful Mum you are.