Sunday, June 28, 2015

Twilight..............

Twilight is the most magical time of the day for me.  It is when the daytime is slowly and  beautifully drifting into nighttime.  The shadows grow long, the light slowly dims, and more often than not there is a stillness, a beautiful brief stillness, before darkness envelopes the land.   There is a time in our lives, that is if we are lucky enough, we have this, too.  A time somewhere between living a full life and slowly creeping towards departure.  If you have read this blog for any length of time you know we have lost many of those we love in recent years.  First two very good friends died of cancer just weeks apart, vibrant and beautiful women in their early forties.  Then last year was the year of deep loss for us.  Starting with my loving BIL, two weeks later by my MIL, one month later by my Mother and finally 5 weeks after that the loss of my dear, dear friend Bruce.  This year I have been trying to help my friend Lynda deal with the loss of her husband Bruce while fighting her own battle with breast cancer.  It has been a few years filled with sorrow but also great, great, Joy.  

Now another very dear, dear friend of ours is struggling with cancer.  He is my husbands best friend and has been like a big brother to me.  He took a major turn for the worse a few weeks ago and has finally let us come to him and try to help.  I go there almost everyday and put my hands on him and try to offer him some comfort, and help reduce his pain.  He has been fighting like a champion, but champions get tired and even champions sometimes stop the fight and just become still, being with their family and with themselves.  This is that time, he is in between here and what lies beyond, and while it is so hard to see, his frailty, his sudden vulnerability, his family grieving everyday, it is still a thing of beauty to watch.  His love for all of us has suddenly expanded at a rapid rate, he is afraid of not saying what needs to be said to his children, grandchildren, wife, and friends.  He is turning into himself, yet letting all of us take part in his care.  This time with him is a precious gift, a gift he is letting us have so that we can come to terms with his potential loss.  He is preparing us, especially his family.  I think this is his last and probably most crucial act as a husband, father and friend, he is teaching us how to love, what is really important, and also how to let go.  

I know you are all probably thinking, Lord here she goes with another heavy post.  Life is sometimes heavy, it is just that simple.  Life hurts, life experiences are not always fun, and happy, sometimes they are really painful.  Watching this life unfold before me has made me think so much of my brother who passed away 24 years ago.  My friend and my brother are the same height, they both have great wit and a great capacity to love, especially their children.  Seeing my friend so thin and frail makes me remember how my brother looked.  I remember the last words he said to me.  I called him the night before he passed away and he said, "I am so tired, I am just so tired"  I told him I knew that and it was okay, it was okay.  I knew he was ready to go, to stop fighting his long hard fight.  My friend is near that, yes I still hope for a miracle, but I mostly hope for peace, peace and no suffering.  

It is funny how I started this blog just to keep track of my sister's blog, so I could comment to her and then I moved into posting about knitting.  It has becomes so much more for me, It is my special place where I can rejoice in great things like Little Buddy turning four (thank you for the well wishes by the way), and it is also a place I can come and write about my sadness, and my life.  Thank you for that, thank you for listening and allowing me this piece of therapy that has become so important to me.  Writing has become very helpful to me, helping me to sort out my thoughts, and put things in perspective.  If you know me well you know writing does not come easy to me,  I work with my hands, not with words.  But writing has become very therapeutic and so I will continue and I thank you again for listening.  

There is beauty in life, there is beauty in family and in friendship and there is also beauty in death.  There is certainly beauty in the time in between life and what comes next.  I am blessed to have a part in that right now.

Blessings.



41 comments:

Joy@aVintageGreen said...

Thank you Meridith for sharing today. Learning.

mamasmercantile said...

I hope his twilight days bring great comfort to you all and he does not suffer for too long. Wishing you all strength when it is needed, God bless.

Teresa Hennes said...

Whooo! This post has me crying! So much can be said for my mom also. I hope if I ever have to go through what she is going through I can do it like her. With dignity. Not dispair.
I am so sorry for all the loss you have gone through. Especially in such a short period of time!!! Well better go wipe my eyes. Hard to type this way. :)

Teresa Hennes said...

I forgot to say that I hope your friend has a peaceful passing and that you feel at peace when he is gone.

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

Dear Meredith, at some point in your blog life, you stopped being just a blogger and became a thoughtful, eloquent writer. This post and its analogies are so beautiful. I've been through this same thing with my mother-in-law; providing for her daily care and every need as she slowly drifted away because of cancer. It is heartbreaking but in the end there is comfort in knowing that peace has come. Bless you all. Sending love, light and healing energy. Tammy

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Oh Meredith, such hard days right now. Life really does throw us all we can handle sometimes. I am so sorry for your losses and this ending time for your friend. Wishing you comfort and some JOY as you help your friend.
hugs,
Linda

Caffeine Girl said...

I am so sorry that another person you love is fighting cancer. You have suffered so many losses in the last few years. I am awed by your ability to offer love and comfort to so many people. They are lucky to have you.

CJ said...

You write so very beautifully Meredith, it's a surprise to me that it doesn't come easily to you. I'm so sorry that your friend is going through this, but it sounds as if he is being amazing. You're in my thoughts today. CJ xx

Janet said...

Thinking of you and those around you. It is important that we can give strength to each other at times of need and enjoy the moments we have.

20 North Ora said...

Meredith - Beautiful post. We all have to face this at some point with family and/or dear friends. We are never ready for the loss. The grieving process is so painful.

Judy

Teresa Kasner said...

Dear Meredith.. I'm glad you know that your readers/friends are here to listen to you no matter what it is you want to share. We all have those things in our lives.. births, celebrations, losses and sadness. It's how we deal with those more difficult challenges that are the mark of our character. And you are a wonderful, caring, devoted friend and family member. I send you my love and caring thoughts to try to help you through this time of sorrow. Hugs.. T

Ann said...

An amazingly beautiful post. You may work with your hands but you write from your heart. May God bring peace and comfort to you and your family as well as those of your friend and his family at this difficult but beautiful time.

busybusybeejay said...

you have suffered so much over the last few years and cope with it so well.Pouring out yor feelings on your blog is such an outlet and a way for us to share in your sadness but also in your life now with Little Buddy.You must be so proud of him.I am so pleased to have got to know you through your blog.I don't always comment but look forward to reading your blog.You come across as such a loving unselfish person.One of life's special people.I just wish I could give you a real hug and not a virtual one.Love from me.Barbarax

mynestofyarnandbuttons said...

Beautifully written Meredith. I think you have a wonderful way with words and expressing yourself. Thank you for this post. I know the space and time you mean, I felt it and experienced it with my mom, but one and a half years ago. Blessings to your dear friend and family.
xoRobin

Jo said...

Peace, there just needs to be peace. Love from Jo x

Betsy said...

Ah dear Meredith. I, for one, am honored that you share these trials as well as your celebrations with us. You are my friend and my sister in this thing we call living life. I have prayed for you before during times of sadness and well as rejoiced with you in occasions of great joy. Now, once again, I will lift you before God, that you will continue to be a light in your friends life and that you will be given the strength you need each and every day. Thank you for letting us be there with you on ALL of your journeys, happy and sad, in this life.
Blessings,
Betsy

Lynne said...

Meredith your post is both painful and beautiful. My thoughts are with you and your friends. Take care and squeeze that little boy of yours extra tight :)

Becky L. said...

Thanks for sharing your life in words today, Meredith. It's ok to share as there are your friends who care and read. Life isn't easy. I hear all our people in prayer at church today, that needed help in their healing of their bodies and loss of life. I feel the need to do more for them. Even a card would be good. Thanks for caring for your neighbor in his twilight days. Live and love those around you, as we all should. Prayers and hugs your way, my friend!

Marilyn K said...

Meredith, you have described it so beautifully. Thank you for sharing this very difficult time. Prayers for peace.

Regena Fickes said...

Just know that I am lifting you, your family, your friend and his family up to the throne. Praying for peace and the joy that passes all understanding.

Anita said...

Thank you for sharing your experience and journey with us Meredith, it makes one realise how it is for some people. It makes me realise too that there is always something harder to cope with than the troubles I feel I have. Taking time out to look outside when it is twilight, to see her beauty, is something we should all do, perhaps slow down and look at all the lovely things Mother Nature has given us and to actually see it. May peace be with your family and friends.
Hugs, Anita.

Chris said...

Oh man, what an eloquent eulogy for life and loss in life. Life sure isn't all puppies and rainbows, it's hard, painful and profoundly sad at times. You abound in kindness and compassion and all those dear to you are truly blessed by having you in their lives. And thats what it is all about. Virtual hugs to you, my friend. Chris

Gracie Saylor said...

Sending you more hugs, Meredith. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I value them. xx

My Garden Diaries said...

Oh my dear friend. Your post here today....well there are no words. You are so very right about the pain in this life. How it affects us all and that the blessings are in the people rallying to help one another anyway that they can. God bless your friend and God bless you for reminding us all what truly matters tonight. Thinking and praying for him and everyone who surrounds him. Nicole xoxo

Grammy Braxton said...

Thank you, dear Meredith, for trusting us enough to share this story. You are so right; life is hard. But what we gain in love and memories far outweighs the sadness. I spent last week having a hard time with memories of Mom's struggle and then her passing. By Friday, I was at peace and could smile and remember her love for life. You are a good friend, filled with kindness.
Sending you hugs and love,
Sharon

Valentina Olden Patterns said...

Meredith, words fail me. I'm sending you hugs and love, I know it probably won't help you much, but it's one thing I can do from here... xx

Claudia said...

Beautifully written, dear sister. I can't say anything more than that.
I understand. And I love you.

Amy at love made my home said...

I wish that I could have the perfect thing to say to make all of this go away. If I could wave a magic wand I most certainly would. I am so very sorry that you and your friends and your husband and others are going through this. My very good thoughts are always with you and I am, of course, sending hugs to you as well. I am sure that you are a wonderful support and are doing all that you can and that is all that you need to do. xxxx

Melissa said...

I know hon. All of it. Lord I know. Blessing back to you.

kathy b said...

Prayers hugs wishes

Dee said...

My thoughts are with you, Meredith. It is so hard watching our family and friends come to the end of their journey. But, I KNOW you have been a blessing to each one.

Helen said...

This is such a beautiful post, really lovely and inspiring words we all need to remember. I am so sorry to hear about your friend, thinking of you all and wishing you all peace xx

gigi knits said...

Thank you for writing what has been in my heart for the lat 3yrs. But I didn't know how to express my thoughts you have said perfectly for me.
Three years ago I lost mt daughter-in-law to breat cancer after a 13 yr. battle to live . but in the end she to was sooo tried and just couldn't fight it any longer. After she made sure everyone was going to ok she finally went to sleep heaven!
Know prayers are with you .

linda said...

I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend Meredith you have had so much heartbreak life can be so cruel. It's wonderful that you can all be there with him when he needs you most, Im sure that you will be a great source of comfort to him now he's nearing the end of his journey. Hugs to you xxxx

HollyM said...

I was surprised to read that you think you are not a writer because I thought as I read how beautiful your words are. Somehow, you take a very sad occasion and describe it so eloquently, letting us see the beauty in it that I could not begin to convey were it I in the same place.
It is sad but not heavy reading. You are a very caring person with deep insights.
I'm so sorry for your losses.

Géraldine B. said...

Oh dear you know I understand you so well ... I'm with all of you ... I wish you the strength you all need ... Big Hugs !

kristieinbc said...

This was a beautifully written post, Meredith. It is such a difficult thing, this walking with a loved one through their last days. Remember to take care of yourself in the midst of things. Hugs to you, my friend.

Christina said...

Oh Meredith, you have such a gift to write with so much insight and love about what is important in your life. I do so love visiting you. I am wishing you strength to help your friend and his family. Lots of love. Christina xx

elns said...

My heart goes out to you and yours Meredith. I'm glad that us here helps you in some way during such an emotional time. Your writing helps the rest of us prioritize and put things in perspective. You find hope and grace in some of the darkest places for most of us. I'm grateful for that. All the best, my friend.

Stins said...

I admire you for your strenght... And that you can even find good things in all those sad things happening around you. Your are so right, the least we can do is learn from those precious and special moments in live.
Take care and lots of love, Mirjam.

Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

My heart goes out to each of you... life is not all a bowl of cherries. Sending love and hugs... and, yes, love is love. =) Enjoy this celebration of it! blessings ~ tanna