Friday, June 30, 2017

The way things really are.......


Sometimes I get a little frustrated with all the lovely moments posted on blogs and social media.  That is a big reason I try not to be on social media because I find it to be so false.  I try to be honest on my blog, there are good moments and bad.  I want to post the reality of my life as much as I can without revealing too much.  This is my almost cleaned up desk this morning.  You should have seen it last night while I was finishing up another evaluation and my monthly paperwork.  It was covered with files, piles of papers, and a cup of water.  There were also papers and files all over the floor.  That is not always my reality but it sure was yesterday.
 
These past three weeks have been exceptionally busy for me at work.  I have new patients that I can't say no to even if I should.  I have been pulling in four 12-13 hours days in a row each week and frankly I am tired.  I am so thankful for my job, it is a blessing to me, but still I am wiped out.


This pile of yarn is being sorted for my next attempt at the Sunday Shawl.  Little Buddy and I made a mad dash to the yarn store nearest me last Friday.  I wanted a gray yarn for the body and thought I might be able to use leftovers from the stash for the colorful edging.  I have not visited this store for years and years because the owner was a miserable woman.  I know that is not nice to say but she was.  I vowed not to go back after several mean encounters with her.  She recently sold the place to a very nice woman, I liked her a lot.  It is a shame the selection is not very great so I probably won't be back.  I still have my favorite store about 45 minutes away from me, but near several of the patients I visit.  I will keep going there.  I really like to buy locally if I can, I need to feel the yarn and smell it too before I can make a purchase.  I know I am a bit weird.  Have you seen Teresa's Sunday Shawl?  It is so gorgeous I want to copy it stitch for stitch.


Coffee tables aren't really for coffee are they?   This is the cleaned up version of the table.  We usually have toys everywhere.  Currently there are magic tricks, coloring activities, some birthday cars, Marshall Robot as Little B calls him, and of course Little B's crutches.



Little Buddy and I had a slow start to the morning, or maybe I should say he did.  I had to catch up on chores that were neglected all week long.  He has had a rough week, most of my little ones have also and I have no idea why.  After my third 12 hour day in a row we both had several tantrums over writing the number 3.  I know, don't ask.  Why was I making him write the number 3 when we were both so tired and cranky?  Well I do follow through whether I should or not and he did not do his work for the baby sitter that day.  Mind you his work involves writing his numbers 1-10, writing his name and reading two books.  Not a huge workload in an eight hour day.  I told him he would have to complete it with me if he did not cooperate with the sitter.  By far not my finest moment as a mom.  Lucky for me he is very forgiving.  After I got my wits about me we had a cuddle and said some sorrys and all was put back in order.


Mezzaluna Wrap when will I get a chance to work on you?  I ended up frogging down to row three last weekend because I was just not getting this pattern.  How could it be so hard when others have made two or three of them with no issue?  After some detective work, (really sometimes I think I am not that bright), I realized I was trying to make sense of a shortened version of the original pattern.  The original pattern can be found two or three versions down on the pattern link page.  It is the Mezzaluna Wrap English Version updated June 29.  Try that one if you are interested in making this beautiful shawl.



I was so busy this past week I almost missed my roses blooming.  The top photo shows how humid it was here this morning.  I had to wipe the moisture off my lense to get a clear photo.  The heat here has been really bad this year.  Little Buddy wants to go out on his new big wheel when I get home from work and frankly I can't handle more than 15 minutes of it.  Heat and high humidity can be so hard to deal with.  I feel so bad for all those people working outside in these conditions.


After I turned around from taking the rose photo I had a great surprise.  An unexpected gardenia at the very top of my bush.  It reminds me of a lotus flower which should bring me a sense of peace.   I need it with a very stubborn six year old, a loved one nursing a broken heart, work, heat, and the current pathetic state of our country.  The thought my precious, stubborn boy and many like him may lose the very insurance that keeps them moving towards functional independence and provides for their complex medical needs is frankly overwhelming to me.  The thought that politicians are gleeful about taking away Medicaid and affordable healthcare makes me ill.   That the current resident of the oval office is the biggest bully in the land is disheartening.  I could go on and on............but I'll stop here, try to take a deep breath and get back to that laundry that needs to be folded.  The way things are are not always wonderful, they are real and that is my life.  Maybe the weekend is just what I need.  Hope your week went a bit smoother than mine.  But isn't it good to know that everyone is  not happy with beautiful flowers, perfect projects and perfect families all the time?  A bit of reality is good for us all.

38 comments:

Araignee said...

One of things I like about my little circle of blog friends is that they tell it like it is. No false fronts on my reading list. The pressure of getting through the day is hard enough without being made to feel inadequate.
Like you, I am so disheartened about the politics of my dad losing the care he so desperately needs. I've gotten in lots of Twitter battles with some critics who want me to feel bad about needing help for him. Until you have walked in the shoes of someone who has tried to care for a parent with severe dementia (or a child with disabilities) you have no right to throw stones no matter your political bent. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but that is wearing a bit thin with the glee surrounding this legislative evil. I am so sad for what this country has become.

bittenbyknittin said...

I had to smile about LB not writing the number 3. I sit my granddaughter once a week and we got off to a rough start this summer, because of conflicting expectations. And don't get me started on health care! Initially I was not in favor of a single payer system, but now I am. Medicare for all!

Cheryl mylittlepieceofengland said...

I've always told my children never to envy someone else's life as you never really know what's happening behind closed doors. I hope you get some rest and quality time and have a wonderful weekend xx

Nana Go-Go said...

I get so fed up with those 'beige' blogs where nothing bad ever happens.Your place is filled with colour and everything about it is real to me. You've never been afraid to just be yourself, Meredith and that's why I love to visit.I hope the medical insurance dilemma will have a good outcome and the present administration will come to their senses for all concerned.Belated birthday greetings to your gorgeous boy and hope that you will have some downtime soon.We had a little incident here this week over potty training and Nana was so plum tuckered out by the end of the day that she lost some common sense about it all too. Thankfully huge kisses and cuddles healed any prospective wounds and Nana will know better next time. We're all only human after all. Have a great weekend, Mer.xxx.

CJ said...

A lovely real post about life and all its imperfections. Sorry about the broken heart, that hurts, and it hurts just as much to watch I think. Sorry you've got so much work on as well, you always put so much effort in, your clients are lucky to have you looking after them. Magic tricks and colouring here as well and lots of puppy madness. As I write this he is charging around the living room with his basket upturned over the top of him. I hope you have a good weekend and manage a bit of relaxation. CJ xx

Nance said...

I'm so glad that someone else is unafraid to write about a Life Not Curated. Life is messy, and lumpy, and it's not always serene and beautiful. Our kids are crabby, our ideas don't work out perfectly, and we have bad days.

Yet, we can still find Beauty and Respite in things Ordinary, like your unexpected gardenia. It's things like that which remind us to be open to the Everyday Wonders around us, even if they can often be so very difficult to find.

(Or sometimes...Impossible, on those no good, terrible, very bad days.)

Teresa Kasner said...

Hi Meredith.. thanks for sharing reality with us. I love you especially because you're so real and honest with us. I actually adored the photo of your little man sprawled on the floor with the "bed head" hair and in his jammies. I think you're going to have fun with your next Sunday Shawl.. the lace edge is where you can use the wonderful colors you have there.

I try to be real in my blog - but do admit to showing the happy side of things. To be honest, I've been so depressed looking at the news and seeing how horrific our so-called leader is behaving that my blog and finding positive things to share is actually keeping me sane. :-)

I hope your weekend brings you peace and joy and rest and that you get a start on your new shawl. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

Mac n' Janet said...

Hope life slows down a bit for you and that you can just relax a little. As a teacher I always knew I could keep pushing and make my students do something or I could step back and all of us just relax for a while. Then at another time get it all done.

Gracie Saylor said...

Seeing Little B sprawled out on the floor brings to mind the first photos you shared of him when he was a great deal shorter! Time with all its ups and downs often surprises me when I realize how fast it is passing. I am sorry that your work days have been so long, and that you and Little B were at odds for a bit, and that someone you love has a broken heart, and that the news is ever worrisome. I was given a book this week that lists 85 names of God used in Scripture. Each name is defined and today I read about God who saves and provides and am trying to meditate on that instead of the bad news, but it is difficult! I love seeing how Teresa's latest shawl is turning out, and am eager to see how your new one will shape up. If you can believe it I just have four more rows to go on my shawl!!!! I love the colors of the wrap you are making! I am jealous that you are able to grow Gardenias, but am very glad that one has grown to encourage you now, dear Meredith.
May you and yours be blessed, and I hope you have a resorative weekend. xxxxxx

Caffeine Girl said...

First, I am so sorry about your long work days. I have too many of these during the school year, and I know how tired they make you! I admire you for working with kids all day and then going home to one. Even a blessing like LB requires time and energy. I hope your workload lets up.
I am with you on social media and all that perfection that people post. My life is not like that! I find it hard to be as "real" as I would like to be because it would involve mentioning other people's issues.
There are advantages to being 45 minutes from a yarn store you love! We have so many great yarn stores around Madison. I really have to avoid them most of the time!

storybook cottage 210 said...

Hello! I so rarely post even though I really enjoy reading blogs but since it came up tonight I wanted to ask everyone to contact your government officials to let them know how you feel about the potential loss of insurance and other government programs. I'm pushing 70 and I really don't remember a time when I felt so vulnerable and see so many others just petrified about the potential impact these changes will bring. For the first time in my life I feel like we are really going to have to FIGHT for what we want and need! We are all going to have to speak up! Loudly if possible! We cannot assume that those people will come to their senses! After watching all this for months I'm really convinced they have none. It really goes against my personality to do this but this is so important that I'm making myself! A good result will bring some ease for all of us. But it won't be easy.

Sigrid Swinnen said...

Our coffee table is always packed with stuff that have nothing to do with coffee or decoration, I know that feeling! I think it's great what you say about showing real life instead of only the bright side. That is false indeed!
Once I wrote a similar blog post about that subject, showing my crochet on the washing machine :-)
Hope you have shorter working days ahead and many cuddle moments with Little B :-)
Take care, Sigrid

mamasmercantile said...

Sounds like you are having a rough time at the moment, not helped by the politics of your Country. I have always tried to avoid commenting on politics from another Country but on this occasion the man beggers belief. What sort of system allows children to go without the treatment they need to reach their full potential is beyond me. Sadly politicians the world over make decisions for themselves not the people they are supposed to be serving. Rant over, here's hoping that you have a better week, a restful and joyful weekend.

Jo said...

Sending lots of hugs, it sounds like life is a little tough at the moment, but it's great that you can write about it and not hide it in perfect photos. Keep it real and share amongst friends and then you can get a little support when you need it. I think we've all been there with homework issue at one time or another. This parenting lark definitely isn't easy.

kathy b said...

Im sorry things have been not FUN in your life lately. Those long long days are killer even without a small one at home. Reality is always refreshing and always a welcome message. Maybe I'll have a messy post weekend! We can start with the UTI I had last week that isn't entirely gone yet and the doctor I am going to quit using. Then there's the broken hearted returning from a year in Mexico..tonight. Someone's pooping on the floor next to the litter box instead of inside the litter box. But the Pollyanna in me is trying to cover it all up and I should know better! Lets have a be good to US day.

Delighted Hands said...

I am sending a hug-some days (weeks!) are like this-over the top!
The other day a friend said I looked tired. Huh, imagine that-struggling with MS and raising 2 grandsons (4 and 1) and take care of my husband who is used to my attention and......well, you get the idea. I prefer reality from friends otherwise, I don't want to share my REAL reality with them!
I hope the weekend offers you a respite!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Oh Mere, it's been a hard week. I sat at home yesterday just sad, sad, sad. Why, well I need look no further then health care 'reform'. How sad to take away what so many need to just survive. My heart breaks for children like Little Buddy, my nephew with Autism and so many others. Its just not right. I love you because you are real and tell it like it is. Most of the blogs I follow are like that as I try to be. My home is not 'perfect' but it is my home. I've moved away from bloggers who only show you the perfectly styled living room, etc. I'm babbling now, but just know you have an important voice in the blogging community and I pray you keep sharing it. Hugs!

Lorrie said...

Real life is not always pretty. I appreciate you keeping it real. We all have days such as you've had. May the weekend provide rest and restoration for all of you.

The Well Fed Wheel said...

Long work hours can deinately put a strain on a person and the fact that the present administration is so deplorable is certainly adding to the stresses of everyday life for everyone. These are such strange times we are living in. Glad you and Little B could hug it out and your roses are beautiful! I guess we need to just make time for the little pleasures because the big issues are in the hands of the deplorables at the moment. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling this way though. I'm all for keeping it real in blog land and always enjoy hearing about your days. Good or bad.

Karen said...

I followed the link in your last post about Teresa's shawl, and I am in love with it! I have some yarn on hand that has been waiting for a project, so I'm going for it. I think I would like it better if I used a lighter weight, but the colors I've chosen seem conducive to something a bit heavier -- it's not really heavy, but I'm already thinking about doing another one, and shopping for a lighter weight.

I remember those moments in being a mom when my kids and I were both at our wit's end. I can be a lot more sympathetic to myself now, being older and looking back. Being a mom is not an easy job for mere mortals!

Melanie said...

You sound much too busy, my friend. I hope you are able to relax a bit this weekend. My coffee table has about 15 books and a few cookbooks piled on it right now, along with a mug full of pens, a couple of candles, my water bottle, a notebook and my phone. Toys scattered around the house is a good thing...it means children are having a good time playing there. {{hugs}}

D. Kissinger said...

I think sometimes it is really HARD to find the balance on social media or our blogs.

I had a blogpost written down the other day that was quite truthful about what I'm dealing with right now .........it began with 826 injections in 2-1/4 years. I couldn't press publish.

Maybe I should have ..............but, I guess I'm not ready to put it all out there yet.

I so admire you for your ability to "keep it real". I'm so sorry you had a rough week. I hope a little time off for the 4th will recharge your batteries, as it were.

Hugs!

Willow said...

Yes, you need a nice long weekend! Preferably sitting in a freezer for five minutes at a time to cool off in that heat and humidity.
You sound like a perfectly normal and good mom. No worries :)

Bridget said...

I wonder about all of the people whose posts are always perfect - are they hiding something, or do they actually not live in their house?

Little Buddy looks like he is getting really tall! Sounds like the two of you worked things out, but it can be dicey when everyone involved is cranky.

Have a good week this week, and take it easy if you can. Happy 4th!

Jodiebodie said...

We all love you for "keeping it real" Meredith.

It sometimes seems silly in hindsight, how we can get so worked up about things - I'm having a day like that quite frankly, too tired and brain fogged and hungry that I had no patience for anything. (Have eaten since and am a bit calmer). Don't feel bad about the number 3! Parents are human beings too, vulnerable to all the foibles that are being human but when it comes to the love between ourselves and our little ones, lots of hugs and one on one special times can make so many problems melt away.

Your desk situation sounds like mine (except mine still has piles of paperwork stacked up). I marvel at how much you manage to juggle and balance throughout your day. Try not to overdo it though! Take care xx

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Mere! (Just popping in from Claudia's blog to wish you a happy day.)—Shanna

Melanie said...

Popping in again to wish you a very happy birthday! I hope you carve out some time today to celebrate.

Anonymous said...

Your sister says that today is your birthday. She is the reason I started reading your blog and you are the reason I kept reading it. I hope that you have a great birthday. You deserve it with all you do for others.

Cat Lover said...

I popped over from Claudia's blog to wish you a Happy Birthday. Hope you are having a great day!
Robin

Witchknit said...

Happy Birthday Meredith. A little birdie (your sister) told me today was the day. I love reading your blog. Keep it real honey; we know it's not all sunshine and roses. Some of us are just trying to get through the next 4 years the best we can. Anyway I hope your day is lovely and spend just exactly as you like. Witchknit (aka Melissa)

Joy@aVintageGreen said...

Happy Birthday Meredith. Hugs and best wishes.
Joy

Anonymous said...

happy birthday to you! happy belated birthday to your sweet little buddy! and happy adoption anniversary!

best wishes to you all.


kathy in iowa
(via link from your sister's blog; my "identity" below is "anonymous" because i don't have a blog)

Ellen D. said...

Happy Birthday, Meredith! Best wishes for a year of fun and happy adventures!

Claudia said...

What a sweet boy and home life you have! I hope you will find time to catch up on your sleep - those are very long hours. When my job and life get too busy I retrench and do the minimum socializing and cooking, etc. and I also find it helpful to do stretches and yoga poses before bed. Oh yeah keep away from caffeine too. BTW I smiled when I saw what you wrote about finding the pattern difficult. I had the same experience knitting a pattern that I had previously knit twice and I couldn't understand why it was so hard the third time around - and I still don't know why! lol

Linda P. said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

Jo said...

That's life Meredith!! Jo xx

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

And that's why we love you, Meredith. You always keep it real, even if you don't show the visual side of that realness. :) I don't know how you manage to do all that you do with the long work hours and taking care of Little B. When I was working, I always felt like I was running behind and running out of gas. It's good that you at least love your job. I can imagine how heartwarming it is to know you are making a difference in the lives of those children. Teresa's shawl is so colorful and gorgeous. As I know yours will be. I'm so disgusted with the way things are going in WA. The behavior and decisions coming from there are truly a disgrace. The world is watching and laughing at how absurd and chaotic it all is. Sending big hugs your way.

elns said...

I feel you Meredith. Sometimes I can't relate to what's going on, or it riles me up out there in social media land. I think we all know what works and what doesn't for us and navigate the best we can.

Your almost clean would be considered spotless in my apartment! I love seeing little kid projects and toys lying about. So much better than random socks and oops mom that candy wrapper fell on the ground etc. Doesn't have the same sweetness as the figures and stuffies and markers. Aww LB. such a sweetie. Thanks for sharing him. He makes me feel good.

The Mom stuff is hard. Love often makes it harder and you know Love is great and all, but it doesn't mean we get to stop all the other "have to" going on. Always cheering you and yours on, Mere!