Moving on......................

 

I'm not sure where to start after all these months so I am just going to jump in here.  I have never been someone who has a way with words, far from it I admit.  I work with my hands reforming crooked cranial bones and spines, I work on babies development and bigger kids with their fine motor and calming skills, words don't come into play unless I am writing reports.  So hang in there with me if you can.

First off a very special thank you for those who have been concerned about Little Buddy and me, your well wishes, check-ins and love have been felt from afar.  You all mean the world to me and during this difficult time just knowing I could visit all of you has helped me so much. 

Much has changed in the last year.  My husband and I are going through a divorce, well we will be soon.  After 30 years of marriage I have had enough of all the things that I have worked thorough for years to keep my family together.  I won't go into all the details because who really wants to hear all that stuff.  Just know that for 30 years I have tried hard to keep this family together at great, great cost to myself and I finally reached the point in August that I had had enough.  There was a red line that was crossed that I just could not make myself work through yet again.  As my sister Claudia said after I called her once again in tears, " Haven't you finally had enough?"  There was a big swear word in there too but I won't include it here in this post.  Yes, my sister I have.

I tried hard to make it at least one more year to get my middle son through law school but at least I made it until he got through his finals for the first semester of this school year.  I tried to make it until Little Buddy was just a bit older, but he can't live with all the stress and negative energy, he already has so much to deal with.  I tried to make it a tad longer for my older son, so he would not feel responsible for me or for Little Buddy, but I didn't.  And I can tell you the law school bubble has helped my middle boy deal with this all in a manner he can handle, submerging yourself in school is a sure way not to get too involved.  My oldest has taken on a sense of authority, he has my back and even more importantly he has his brothers.  He is an adult, as he reminds me and he will take on any responsibility he wants, I no longer have a say in that.  He has been my rock, along with my sister and dear friends, even though I try very hard to not let my kids get in the middle on anything.

I have stunned neighbors and friends, I just told a few people I work with and have worked with for years.  Everyone sees the side of my husband he wants them to see, the funny charismatic, successful guy he wants them to see.  He is not a bad man, he is just a very difficult husband and even though I have been reminded over and over this is tearing apart a family, I know it is best.  Because keeping a family together for so long comes at great cost, mentally, physically and emotionally.  And as I have wondered for years, when is it my time to find peace?  I think the answer is now, or soon anyway.

Little Buddy and I moved to a new home three weeks ago today. It is beautiful, the perfect size and place for us, and Hank and Bear.  It is a tough market to buy in, and I paid way, way more than I should have.  But I paid for a safe neighborhood, a safe place for us to lay down new roots and a place for my family to be happy in.  And really it is so hard to get a home, we were so, so fortunate to find this one.  I feel blessed it was available and that I beat out the other 16 cash offers on this new place. It has 3 bedroom's and 2 baths, it has a two car garage which is essential if you want to get a special needs little boy in and out of the car in a rain storm.  It has a back yard that is fenced in with no one behind me but a lake I can't see, trees and a rehabilitation center off the the left that I can't really see either.   It has an office space in the master bedroom for me and loads of my yarn.  It has an extra bedroom area where my oldest can work from two days a week.  And most of all it is closer to where we hope Little Buddy will go to his special learning school when they move north in a year. 

I have posted these photos, in no particular order as I really wanted you to see where we are and know we are going to be just fine.  I left a 6 bedroom house with 5 bathrooms, an outdoor kitchen and fireplace and a pool and pool deck that needed constant cleaning.  I had no idea that you could clean an entire house in under an hour, or that it would be fun to cut your own grass.  My life is about to get a lot easier. 

There is still much to be worked out as far as days Dad has Little Buddy, when he is with me, but we will get there.  Most important to me is making sure my children adapt to all of this as smoothly as possible, it is my main priority every single day.

Little Buddy has been accepted to his new school.  He has a scholarship that I won't know the amount of until July.  I had to withdrawal him from the school he has been at his whole life today, that was very emotional but they promised me they would try to get him back in if the scholarship money isn't enough for his new school.  We are no longer living in the zoned area for that school. They have loved my little boy a long time even though he can be difficult at times.  In the middle of all this I had to apply to get him into his new school, apply for a scholarship while my computer was broken, apply for special therapy services to help him with transitions and mild behavioral issues, all of which I could not have done without the constant support of my dear friend Holly.

I had so much support from my friends and my wonderful sister.  They all listened to lots of ranting and raving phone calls, some just crying with little words.  They have all been there for me and I have been very, very blessed.  I have a sister who will come down anytime I need her and lets me talk as long as I need to.  Holly, who will drop everything to load documents into her computer and fill out applications for me, and help me process all that is going on. My friend Cathy who checks on me morning and evenings to make sure I am okay and came over to move very heavy oak furniture to the perfect place after the movers left, even though she has painful hands and wrists.  She brought over her daughter and son in law the day after my move to get Little Buddy's room ready as soon as his floors were done.  They put together his bed, fixed my closet doors and hung bigger pictures on the wall for me.  My friend Georgette has a wonderful man in her life who owns a construction company and popped right in to fix Little Buddy's sagging ceiling, put wood flooring in the smaller bedrooms and replace my roof.  And my dear friend Lynda, gathered boxes for months, kept her brand new pots and pans she could not use in her new house just in case I needed them and kept Little Buddy overnight the day I moved so I could get loads done before he saw his new house. I am blessed.

So we are onto new adventures now.  I call this the, "Adventure House" and that is how I am trying to think of it all.  An adventure that eventually will provide me with the peace I have been sorely missing for years and years.  

I know that with all that is going on in the world, war in the Ukraine, horrible horrible shooting's killing people because of the color of their skin, their ethnic background, or dear beautiful children in a school, I know that my news is not all that important.  But you are all my friends and I needed to finally let you know what we are going through and how we are.  I know many of you have been dealing with so much and I have prayed and sent love to all of you.  I appreciate your friendship and loving thoughts so much.

My boys, including the ones with fur will all be fine, I will be fine although much the poorer because of this house, but we will all be okay.  We will find peace eventually and I will finally be able to take a few deep breaths and relax, if I can ever even figure out how to do that.  I remember each night that my boys are safe and that my 10 year old did not get killed or injured at his school this year, there is so much to be grateful for.

It might take me a while to get fully back to blogging, but know I am reading all about your lives and sending you love.  Thank you for being there for me and my very special little boy who got, "sporty" glasses today.  You are all so wonderful and mean the world to me.